Met my wife at a mutual friend's house during a party in early 1995. Said party consisting of a bunch of early 90's Grunge types(myself included), blaze heads, and other trustees of modern chemistry. I remember her walking by me and mentioning something about Pearl Jam but at the moment the music was too damn loud and I didn't hear her or didn't think she was talking to me. I was wearing my ever-present Pearl Jam hat at this party. The Pearl Jam hat was my staple, worn backwards, for the most part only taken off optionally while showering.
I noticed her several times throughout the night, mainly because she looked much healthier and was much better dressed than any of us locals were at the party. Finally, a couple of hours later as I watched a couple of other guys hit on her, I started getting a little pissed off.....Why you ask? Good question. I couldn't figure that one out either which got me thinking maybe I should try talking to her. We ended up sitting beside one another for a while and I noticed the whole time she wasn't partaking in any of festive smoking or drinking. I got a bit nervous thinking she might be a narc or something, back then that was very real concern of mine
. Anyway, we started talking and she told me she was there with a friend just kind of tagging along for the night. I asked her if she'd like a beer but she politely declined on the grounds she was in nursing school and had an exam coming up. Wow, at this point, I'm thinking, good looking, sober, and has a career path mapped out? At this time in my life I was trying to do my best impression of Jim Morrison, my mentality on most things being "If one is good, eight is probably a lot better." I had a lot of issues and she seemed way out of my league, but I sure as hell enjoyed talking to her that night.
A couple of hours later, I guess about 2 or 3am the party started to break up and I began to hear that same old voice that has always screamed at me not to ask girls out on the basis of back then I didn't deal with rejection very well, not violently or anything, just would get very depressed if I got shot down. I've never been one of those guys who chalks it up to "Oh well, her loss." I ALWAYS saw rejection as something wrong with me. My self-esteem issues are deep rooted and over the years I've come to see they are impossible to get past. So, Gina is starting to get ready to leave with her friend, I'm doing my best impression of a faithful terrier pup following her around, helping her with her jacket, trying, and I mean TRYING HARD to work up the nerve to ask her out. She just finally says, "Well, I've been waiting all night to see if you're going to ask me out, I don't have a boyfriend or anything if that's what you're worried about." It wasn't what I was worried about, but holy crap, what an out she gave me. I just stood there for a few seconds, stunned, and told her I'd really like to go out with her.
That was the start of our twenty years together. She has always been able to read my mind from the very beginning. She has always told me no one she has ever known has ever made her feel as safe as I do. I think through all the relationships I ever went thru, all the drugs, the drinking, and self destructive behavior, all I really needed was someone to tell me that. A few months after we started going out, all the earrings, the hair wraps, the one length long hair, I ditched all of it, because it just wasn't me anymore. I started thinking long term instead of about the next day's high. I have no doubt whatsoever, that had I not met my wife when I did, there would be no ghost19 typing this long winded narrative. There was no way to maintain the type of lifestyle I was living at the time and not eventually suffer the repercussions one way or the other. She's my mojo and always will be.