Speak Up or Shut Up?

[Sigmund]

Good Sunday evening.

Have you ever been in a situation where you don't know if you should say something or just keep quiet?

I'll give you examples.

When you are talking to someone and they have something hanging from their nostril (booger), eye gook, or some catsup (ketchup) on the side of their mouth. (You get my drift.)

Someone is walking around with some toilet tissue stuck on their shoe?

Do you say something or just hush?

I'd really appreciate your input.

Thank you.

Peace.

(Someone ask me about the time I gave a total stranger a heads up that she had stained her self. )

 

[Doc Creed]

Good Sunday evening.

Have you ever been in a situation where you don't know if you should say something or just keep quiet?

I'll give you examples.

When you are talking to someone and they have something hanging from their nostril (booger), eye gook, or some catsup (ketchup) on the side of their mouth. (You get my drift.)

Someone is walking around with some toilet tissue stuck on their shoe?

Do you say something or just hush?

I'd really appreciate your input.

Thank you.

Peace.

(Someone ask me about the time I gave a total stranger a heads up that she had stained her self. )

For me, it's happened several times in life and it usually depends on a few things. If there are too many people around, either take them aside or speak softly to alert them. If it's just you and that person with no observers then kindly point out the problem and don't make out that it's a big deal.
Most people will be grateful that you saved them from further embarrassment. That's basically my philosophy.

 

[Doc Creed]

There could be certain scenarios where saying nothing would be better. It might be a situation where the act of you pointing it out could prove more embarrassing than the actual faux pas.

 

[GNTLGNT]

...I like to think I'm discrete, but with my big yap I know better...and the older I get the blunter I am....

 

[morgan]

...I like to think I'm discrete, but with my big yap I know better...and the older I get the blunter I am....

And the older I get, it seems like I can NOT keep looking/staring at the "problem area" (nose, teeth...) which is even more awkward.

 

[AnnaMarie]

...I like to think I'm discrete, but with my big yap I know better...and the older I get the blunter I am....

Some days I should not be allowed in public.

I regularly tell complete strangers that even my 3 year old granddaughter knows to cover her mouth when she coughs or sneezes.

 

[Holly Gibney]

Some days I should not be allowed in public.

I regularly tell complete strangers that even my 3 year old granddaughter knows to cover her mouth when she coughs or sneezes.

Heehee! How do they usually react? If somebody said that to me, I would blush and apologise, and mean it.

To answer Sigmund's question - if it is something minor like a smear of ketchup around their mouth, I almost always mention it, but I try to do it discreetly, in a way that will cause them no embarrassment. So far, they have always been grateful! If it is something much bigger than that, like disgraceful behaviour in public from someone who is old enough to know better - I would probably be glad if somebody else said something, but I'm far too timid to do it myself.

If it is something even bigger still, like knowing that your friend's partner was cheating on them - thankfully, I have never been in that position. I honestly don't know what I would do. Perhaps employ The Wisdom of Ros Doyle from Frasier and talk to the cheater rather than to your friend, but if that didn't work I would be lost... Interested to hear what others here might do in these latter "bigger" situations.

 

[AnnaMarie]

Heehee! How do they usually react? If somebody said that to me, I would blush and apologise, and mean it.

To answer Sigmund's question - if it is something minor like a smear of ketchup around their mouth, I almost always mention it, but I try to do it discreetly, in a way that will cause them no embarrassment. So far, they have always been grateful! If it is something much bigger than that, like disgraceful behaviour in public from someone who is old enough to know better - I would probably be glad if somebody else said something, but I'm far too timid to do it myself.

If it is something even bigger still, like knowing that your friend's partner was cheating on them - thankfully, I have never been in that position. I honestly don't know what I would do. Perhaps employ The Wisdom of Ros Doyle from Frasier and talk to the cheater rather than to your friend, but if that didn't work I would be lost... Interested to hear what others here might do in these latter "bigger" situations.

People who do not turn away when coughing and sneezing on other people or groceries usually just ignore. But often the people around will agree.

I have also suggested to very obviously sick people that they should order their groceries at Walmart rather than walking through a grocery store at noon on a Saturday.

As for knowing a partner is cheating...how would you be positive? Unless you are seeing public show of sexual behaviour....how would you know? You could see my husband eating in a restaurant with a woman....driving together to another city....even checking in to a hotel, though in different rooms. (But unless you are stalking him, how would you know they were in separate rooms?) All of this is business. He takes customers out for dinner. People from other businesses take him out for dinner. He travels with co-workers, driving or flying together, staying in same hotels.

 

[TheRedQueen]

I typically speak up without even thinking. Prime example of this is when I was working at the sandwich shop years back. One of my favorite coworkers had ripped her pants in a very unfortunate place, and as soon as I noticed I went up and whispered in her ear. She was mortified, of course, but she grabbed a spare apron and made herself a sort of skirt so she could get through her shift with dignity. I thought she handled herself with a lot of grace for such an awkward moment/day.

With the bigger stuff, I get into trouble when I speak up. Like, ok, I pointed out hypocritical and hateful behavior, but now I'm the bad guy. Coo'. Seems easier to simply let the idiots hang themselves while I sip coffee in the corner...

 

[twiggymarie]

I typically speak up without even thinking. Prime example of this is when I was working at the sandwich shop years back. One of my favorite coworkers had ripped her pants in a very unfortunate place, and as soon as I noticed I went up and whispered in her ear. She was mortified, of course, but she grabbed a spare apron and made herself a sort of skirt so she could get through her shift with dignity. I thought she handled herself with a lot of grace for such an awkward moment/day.

With the bigger stuff, I get into trouble when I speak up. Like, ok, I pointed out hypocritical and hateful behavior, but now I'm the bad guy. Coo'. Seems easier to simply let the idiots hang themselves while I sip coffee in the corner...

Same here, on both accounts. I'll usually quietly inform whomever of whatever unfortunate embarrassing situation they're in, because I would want someone to do the same for me.

When it comes to relationship crap, I stay away from it with a ten foot pole, unless it's my little brother. He's about the only one I would risk sticking my nose in it for, because he knows I wouldn't say anything I didn't positively know, and he'd actually listen to me. Otherwise, it all becomes a he said/she said pain in the rear.

 

[DiO'Bolic]

I have a daughter running for public office. She was over for Easter dinner and said she sometimes gets this type of comment regarding her mother: “I didn’t know she’s you mother... because she’s so nice.” My daughter usually responds with “Oh, so you’re saying I’m not nice?” I told her unfortunately she’s inherited my attitude. She said: “Yeah.. Thanks a lot dad.”

 

[Charms7]

For people close to me, I try to set a good example. Like give the dogs fresh water or make sure I leave an area cleaner than when I entered it. There is danger, though, of becoming a doormat and enabler. Constantly picking up after people, cleaning up their messes, can become a full time job.

If I see that someone has a nasty stain on the back of their dress or is dragging a streamer of toilet paper behind them, I would try to be diplomatic about it. But usually, the moment passes and they are out of my diplomacy range before I get the chance to speak. Now if somebody's wearing something ugly to the max, the look may be written all over my face but I don't say anything. That's when the song Everything Is Beautiful In Its Own Way begins to play in my head.

 

[Doc Creed]

With the bigger stuff, I get into trouble when I speak up. Like, ok, I pointed out hypocritical and hateful behavior, but now I'm the bad guy. Coo'. Seems easier to simply let the idiots hang themselves while I sip coffee in the corner...

 

[arista]

I think that the person would prefer not to have a big goober hanging from their nose or something in their teeth. IT is unsettling, if you look in the mirror and I think how many people saw something and not said anything (just saying for a friend)LOL My huge problem is that when someone has a pimple, that it is a hard thing not to see the person's face. I try to avoid looking at the pimple...Jedi mind tricks do not work on that one.

 

[doowopgirl]

I would tell someone especially if I knew them, but perhaps not a stranger I noticed in passing. Relationship stuff, no way unless I had pictures and they were a good friend. One thing I have a really bad habit of is for example I was at a readers meeting to work out who was doing what at Easter. There is a woman there who severely gets on my nerves. She is just so much holier than everyone else. So at the end of the meeting, she was asked if she had a reading to end the meeting and she said no. My mouth just flew open and I said shocking! You get fired for that. The room went silent. She said a prayer and I left. To complete silence. So there is an example of when you should keep your mouth shut.

 

[lowman]

I usually just come out and say it.id want someone to fill me in if my flywas undone or I had a flapping bugger on my nose....but my mouthgets me into trouble every now and then so you might want to be discreet lol.

 

[GNTLGNT]

 

[lowman]

Exactly my friend. I say if you don't want my opinion ya better not ask me, however sometimes my mouth spits it out before my head catches up....open mouth insert foot.yup that's me (sigh)

 

[Alexandra M]

I would tell someone especially if I knew them, but perhaps not a stranger I noticed in passing. Relationship stuff, no way unless I had pictures and they were a good friend. One thing I have a really bad habit of is for example I was at a readers meeting to work out who was doing what at Easter. There is a woman there who severely gets on my nerves. She is just so much holier than everyone else. So at the end of the meeting, she was asked if she had a reading to end the meeting and she said no. My mouth just flew open and I said shocking! You get fired for that. The room went silent. She said a prayer and I left. To complete silence. So there is an example of when you should keep your mouth shut.

Maybe you shouldn't have said it, but I bet it felt good

 

[Grandpa]

I generally say something.

"You have something you want to take care of," and point to my nose.
Point to my face to tell them they have a smear of pizza sauce, or something.
"Something's on your shoe."
I might be a little OCD. I'll tuck people's tags in or offer to help a guy out whose collar in back is obviously misbehaving with his tie. This is a big evolution for me, having started out as an asocial, reclusive only child with an aversion to touch.
"Excuse me for the intrusion," and brush something off their shirt or jacket. Obviously, I hope, I wouldn't brush something off the front of a lady's shirt. However....
I have said, "I think you have a button undone," when a lady I know is trying to just hang out, and I'm quite sure it's not the look she's going for. Each time, the lady's thanked me and corrected the anomaly.

"I heard your SO is cheating," or, "You're drinking too much lately, pal," or, "How'd it go at the arraignment," are examples of things I wouldn't say. That's something they'll have to work on as adults in their own lives.