Told this one before...how I was ruint by Hollywood? Sixteen...or soon to be. We pile in the Dodge Dart and head over to the Gay-Lake Linden hill, stop on side of the road, I get behind the wheel. First time. I think we all went to church earlier...washed feet. We were foot-washing Baptists...our feet are clean and we're ready to roll.
I don't remember buckling up...don't believe any of us were buckled up. We crash, we want to go quick. Mom's riding shotgun. The Old Man got in the back with my sisters...little brother was...somewhere...maybe in the front seat.
Car is idling...the Old Man coughs, lights a cigarette, cranks the window a notch.
I'm behind the wheel, hesitant.
What's wrong? asks Mom.
Well...I say, trying not to whine and doing poorly...is it like on TV when you turn the wheel?
I demonstrate since I don't know how to articulate what I mean, grabbing the wheel and turning it like they do on TV...you know, Sergeant Friday maybe...Andy Griffith...Herman Munster...the big guys.
The Old Man guffaws. He guffawed a lot. Mom snorts. Mom snorted a lot. My Sisters giggled. Little bro was with me on this but even he was grinning.
What do you mean? asks Mom.
Well! I say, all exasperated, they turn the wheel like this? I demonstrate some back and forth wheel motion...but it seems like they're still heading straight down the road.
The Old Man started choking...sisters were laughing...Mom's trying not to laugh.
No! she says...You don't have to turn the wheel much to go straight.
In the end it all worked out...made my way up the hill and out toward the big lake, toward Gay where we stopped at the Gay Bar and went in for a pizza and cold drinks.