Holiday Blues

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if-so-Grrl

Well-Known Member
Nov 25, 2010
2,907
1,216
The Last Frontier
Now you're just taunting me. There ain't nothing to be had on this boat, and for once I did not bring anything of my own, either. I had this stupid idea around Thanksgiving or so that I was going to try not drinking or smoking weed for a while, thought maybe a little clarity would do me good.

Now I know better. Clarity is overrated.
 

ghost19

"Have I run too far to get home?"
Sep 25, 2011
8,779
55,313
47
Arkansas
Now you're just taunting me. There ain't nothing to be had on this boat, and for once I did not bring anything of my own, either. I had this stupid idea around Thanksgiving or so that I was going to try not drinking or smoking weed for a while, thought maybe a little clarity would do me good.

Now I know better. Clarity is overrated.
One of my favorite song lyrics of all time is by Seether. "Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying". I'm not making light of your situation ma'am, just the opposite. I hope you shore leave is in your future. Stay strong.
 

Srbo

Uber Member
Mar 23, 2008
15,202
7,535
Canada
Oh, I hear you, loud and clear.
I just wrote this, several minutes ago, and this thread seems fitting...if you don`t mind.

"It was one of those nights when you turn off the lights,
And everythin' comes into view..."
in the words of the immortal Bon Scott.

It is one of those nights, even though the day was not much better.
It was one of those days when my wife and I didn`t talk much, both of us somehow lost in our own thoughts. Yet we both knew what the other was thinking.
Holidays are probably the hardest thing there is since I left my old country and came to Canada. Somehow everything else seems easier than these days.
And it`s not even our holidays, the Serbian-Orthodox ones. Which don`t really matter.
People, or most of them, are gathering now together with their families, well wishes are being exchanged, gifts, family luncheons and dinners, hugs, laughter.
Grandparents reading stories to their grandchildren, and there is that special something in the air.
It doesn`t matter if it`s gonna be all gone the next day, the now is what matters.
We, who lost our country, land and a good part of our families don`t have that.
Our dreams are gone, all we can do is look ahead and build a future for our children, if we are lucky and blessed to have them.
I wonder what my mother is doing now...my sisters and their children. I even wonder if anybody is going to visit all those graves that are left behind us and light a candle.
Yeah, we needn't talk much these days, my wife and I, `cause we know where our thoughts and hearts are.
Home.
A home that isn`t our home anymore.
Merry Christmas, my friends, have a blast, love and laugh lots with your families and remember how blessed you are because you can do that.

 

if-so-Grrl

Well-Known Member
Nov 25, 2010
2,907
1,216
The Last Frontier
One of my favorite song lyrics of all time is by Seether. "Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying". I'm not making light of your situation ma'am, just the opposite. I hope you shore leave is in your future. Stay strong.
Nah, I didn't take it that way, ghost. And 'this true...being sober really sucks. I'm not even that huge of a partier these days - but I do like to have the option.

One of my friends, whom I've taken to calling my Voice o' Reason (he finds that funny), told me that I should consider trying out the whole sobriety thing for a while, stop self-medicating, and see what it might teach me. So far, I've learned that I don't like it. It leaves me feeling like I want to go to the other extreme, curl up in a corner and shoot dope, which I haven't done in a long time. Doubtless that has less to do with sobriety and more to do with my current state of mind, but I can't but think that smoking a big fattie would cause me to reassess that.

Maybe sometimes self-medicating is not such a bad idea after all.
 

if-so-Grrl

Well-Known Member
Nov 25, 2010
2,907
1,216
The Last Frontier
Srbo, my brother,

Our circumstances are radically different, and yet so much of the feeling is the same. I don't really have a home anymore, either. When people ask where I'm from, I don't know how to answer. Usually I tell them I'm a gypsy.

My dreams, too, are dust, broken not by war but by a long battle with my personal darkness. The wreckage left by that fight is less visible, but painful nonetheless.

My husband...we don't speak much either these days, but because there is a chasm there, an abyss that I do not know how to cross. We no longer speak the same language.

My mom remains a dear friend and confidant, and I speak with her regularly, but hardly ever get to see her; she is thousands of miles away. She might as well be in a foreign country.

So, yeah, I get it...and I keep getrying a song stuck in my head, Eric Clapton singing "Can't Find My Way Home."

Merry Christmas, my friend. hug your wife and child. Hold them close.
 
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