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Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds
Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.
Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became my father when I was born.
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: You asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I".
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... always say, "I am".
MILLIE: All right, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but he also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on My Dog is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No sir, it's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
I have tears rolling down my cheeks.
That's so bad in the best way ever! Good stuff!The Tale of Onestone . . .
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good
morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest, where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by, and no one dared call him Onestone, that is until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
What is the moral of this story?
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!