There must be more like me. I get a little itchy on Mother's Day. I do lavish praise on Grandma and the Daughter and the Sons' Wives. But I see all kinds of homage to people's moms here, on Facebook, and.........
I'm just not there.
I'm not denigrating that adore-Mom sentiment, not at all, and I hope that's obvious. I love Grandma's matriarchal status, and the great relationships with mothers and kids that pervade my family, with the exception of those mother-son relationships that belong to.......
Well, me.
My mom wasn't terrible. She wasn't abusive, really, just very self-absorbed, and she wasn't exactly cursed with an excess of maternal instinct. I believe she meant well for me, but "well" really did need to fit within her predetermined vision of "well," and I never did figure that out, and by the time I could have, I was on my own path to do "well" by my own terms. By the time she died about 13 years ago, I had never gotten the impression that anything I accomplished was respected by her. And... well, I could write a book on our dysfunctional relationship, but it wouldn't be very fun, so I'm not going to.
So to those with some level of awkwardness on this day, who want to pay homage to moms all over for their loving, good work but who can't quite bring it to their own personal level, I hear ya. I get ya. We can be envious of others who have that great relationship, but make it a happy envy. Good for them, and let's make sure we do better for us and our own as we go forward.
I'm just not there.
I'm not denigrating that adore-Mom sentiment, not at all, and I hope that's obvious. I love Grandma's matriarchal status, and the great relationships with mothers and kids that pervade my family, with the exception of those mother-son relationships that belong to.......
Well, me.
My mom wasn't terrible. She wasn't abusive, really, just very self-absorbed, and she wasn't exactly cursed with an excess of maternal instinct. I believe she meant well for me, but "well" really did need to fit within her predetermined vision of "well," and I never did figure that out, and by the time I could have, I was on my own path to do "well" by my own terms. By the time she died about 13 years ago, I had never gotten the impression that anything I accomplished was respected by her. And... well, I could write a book on our dysfunctional relationship, but it wouldn't be very fun, so I'm not going to.
So to those with some level of awkwardness on this day, who want to pay homage to moms all over for their loving, good work but who can't quite bring it to their own personal level, I hear ya. I get ya. We can be envious of others who have that great relationship, but make it a happy envy. Good for them, and let's make sure we do better for us and our own as we go forward.