Really Bad Jokes.

[Sigmund]

Hi!

Some jokes are so bad...they're pretty good. Ha!

I'll start.

She was only a whiskey-maker

Spoiler

but he loved her still.

A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.

Spoiler

The man says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Tell us yours!

Peace.

 

[Riot87]

My friend Sergio told me this one lol

When is it not ok for Jesus to love you?

Spoiler

In a mexican prison

Hope it does not offend anyone.

 

[do1you9love?]

I had a friend in collage whose favorite joke was...

A horse walks into a bar...

Spoiler

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Then he would say "Ba-da-dum!" and make the drum beat motions.

Every. Single. Time.

He was a very nice guy though. Bless his heart!

 

[doowopgirl]

A sandwich walks into a bar and the barman says, sorry we don't serve food.

 

[Lily Sawyer]

Gandhi was a spiritual dude who espoused peaceful revolution and change. He walked all over India barefoot, meeting and greeting the citizenry, enduring the long, hot days in the sweltering heat, which made his feet tough and leathery. He also fasted from time to time, which contributed to bad breath, but also to a general weakened state.

You could therefore argue that Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

 

[prufrock21]

Allegedly Gandhi kept the company of bare breasted women because

Spoiler

it made him strong to resist temptation

 

[Lily Sawyer]

What do you get when you put two ducks in a container?

Spoiler

A box of quackers.

 

[blunthead]

I told the doc that I broke my arm in two places. He said...

Spoiler

Stay out of those places.

 

[Lily Sawyer]

My father is very proud of the fact that he's been told he has small hands, which would be great if he were a disc jockey.

Spoiler

He was wee paws for station identification.

 

[blunthead]

What's the difference between ignorance and Apathy?

Spoiler

I don't know and I don't care.

 

[Sigmund]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Spoiler

It got stuck in a crack.

 

[Lily Sawyer]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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A woman after my own heart. You understand me well.

 

[GNTLGNT]

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

Spoiler

A pool table. [\ spoiler]

 

[AnnaMarie]

My friend Sergio told me this one lol

When is it not ok for Jesus to love you?

Spoiler

In a mexican prison

Hope it does not offend anyone.

I think it does offend me. I'll let you know when I stop laughing.

 

[AnnaMarie]

I studied jokes in high school. I have no idea what the course was. The teacher explained that some jokes everyone laughs at. Some jokes nobody laughs at because there is nothing funny about them. And some jokes some people laugh, some don't and we discussed various reasons.

He (attempted) to give an example of each; funny, not funny, sometimes funny. To this day, the only one I can remember is the not funny because I went into hysterical laughter. It's so horribly bad.

What's the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of dead baby heads?

Spoiler

you can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitch fork

I was one sick and twisted teen I guess.

 

[GNTLGNT]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Spoiler

a fsh [\spoiler]

 

[blunthead]

 

[Grandpa]

Two carrots are walking along the road. A passing car comes back and knocks one of them into the air and into the ditch. A crowd gathers, paramedics arrive, and huddle over the poor thing.

One of the EMTs comes out and says to the other carrot, "Well, I got good news and bad news."

Spoiler

"Your friend will live, but he's gonna be a vegetable the rest of his life."

*****

A neutron walks into a bar, tended by an ion.
"How much for a drink?"
"For you, no charge."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."

 

[do1you9love?]

Two carrots are walking along the road. A passing car comes back and knocks one of them into the air and into the ditch. A crowd gathers, paramedics arrive, and huddle over the poor thing.

One of the EMTs comes out and says to the other carrot, "Well, I got good news and bad news."

Spoiler

"Your friend will live, but he's gonna be a vegetable the rest of his life."

*****

A neutron walks into a bar, tended by an ion.
"How much for a drink?"
"For you, no charge."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."

I am eating carrot sticks right now!

 

[Lily Sawyer]

If a blonde and a brunette jump out of a tall building, who will hit the pavement first?

Spoiler

The brunette, because the blonde will stop and ask for directions.