A guy was hunting in the woods. He bent down to look at some tracks. He was killed by a train.
Really Bad Jokes.
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A Jewish lawyer call his rabbi and says "My son has become a man and wants to become a Christian. I've brought him up in the traditional ways but yet he makes this decision".
The rabbi laughs and says "The very same thing happened to my son."
"What did you do?" said the lawyer.
"I spoke to "God" said the rabbi.
"And what did God say?" asked the lawyer.
"He laughed and said..."
The rabbi laughs and says "The very same thing happened to my son."
"What did you do?" said the lawyer.
"I spoke to "God" said the rabbi.
"And what did God say?" asked the lawyer.
"He laughed and said..."
It took me a second read before I got it.
Jesus became [a] man (son of God) and although he was a Jew, he's thought of as Christian, so the same thing happened to Him.
What do you call 300 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
It's so cold out...
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A lawyer does up a will for a nice old lady and charges her $200. She reaches in her purse and pulls out two hundred-dollar bills, hands them over, thanks him, and leaves. After she leaves, he finds out that there was another hundred-dollar bill stuck between these new crisp ones. What is the ethical dilemma that the lawyer faces?
A lawyer buys a horse, sight unseen, and pays for it. When it gets to the stables, he's faced with sad news - the horse has died and the owner spent the money. Undaunted, the lawyer carts the horse off anyway. He sees the owner a couple months later, is cheery, shakes his hand. The owner, discomfited, says, "How can you be so happy, buying a dead horse?" "Oh, I raffled it off and made a ton of money," the lawyer said. Aghast, the owner says, "Weren't they unhappy about that?" The lawyer says,
A good start.
.... the lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
The snake might have tire tracks in front of it.
Does he tell his partners?
"Only one, and I gave him his money back."
Did you know there are only three lawyer jokes?
I think I've told this before, but: What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
The rest are all true.
A rooster clucks defiance.
When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully, in his sleep.
Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car.
Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car.
Maybe cause a skeleton has no stomach .. or any other innards..so needs a mop when the beer hits the floor?
There's these two Australian Siamese twins, called 'Lefty' and 'Righty'. They go into the pub and they both ask for a beer.
The barman hasn't seen them for a while, 'Where have you been?' he asks.
Righty says, 'We went for a trip to America.'
'How did you like it over there?,' asks the Barman.
'****,' says Lefty,'Americans can't make beer, their pies are crap, hot dogs are ****, basically everything. I'm glad I'm back in Australia.'
'So why did you go over there in the first place?' the barman asked.
'So my brother can have a drive in a car,' Righty says.
The barman hasn't seen them for a while, 'Where have you been?' he asks.
Righty says, 'We went for a trip to America.'
'How did you like it over there?,' asks the Barman.
'****,' says Lefty,'Americans can't make beer, their pies are crap, hot dogs are ****, basically everything. I'm glad I'm back in Australia.'
'So why did you go over there in the first place?' the barman asked.
'So my brother can have a drive in a car,' Righty says.
I guess...
