Really Bad Jokes.

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mal

content
Jun 23, 2007
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Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
A Jewish lawyer call his rabbi and says "My son has become a man and wants to become a Christian. I've brought him up in the traditional ways but yet he makes this decision".
The rabbi laughs and says "The very same thing happened to my son."
"What did you do?" said the lawyer.
"I spoke to "God" said the rabbi.
"And what did God say?" asked the lawyer.
"He laughed and said..."
 
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SharonC

Eternal Members
Jul 9, 2007
2,958
11,254
Canada
A Jewish lawyer call his rabbi and says "My son has become a man and wants to become a Christian. I've brought him up in the traditional ways but yet he makes this decision".
The rabbi laughs and says "The very same thing happened to my son."
"What did you do?" said the lawyer.
"I spoke to "God" said the rabbi.
"And what did God say?" asked the lawyer.
"He laughed and said..."
Maybe my funny bone is not being tickled today. I'm not getting it.
 

Grandpa

Well-Known Member
Mar 2, 2014
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Colorado
What do you call 300 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
It's so cold out...
.... the lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
The snake might have tire tracks in front of it.
A lawyer does up a will for a nice old lady and charges her $200. She reaches in her purse and pulls out two hundred-dollar bills, hands them over, thanks him, and leaves. After she leaves, he finds out that there was another hundred-dollar bill stuck between these new crisp ones. What is the ethical dilemma that the lawyer faces?
Does he tell his partners?
A lawyer buys a horse, sight unseen, and pays for it. When it gets to the stables, he's faced with sad news - the horse has died and the owner spent the money. Undaunted, the lawyer carts the horse off anyway. He sees the owner a couple months later, is cheery, shakes his hand. The owner, discomfited, says, "How can you be so happy, buying a dead horse?" "Oh, I raffled it off and made a ton of money," the lawyer said. Aghast, the owner says, "Weren't they unhappy about that?" The lawyer says,
"Only one, and I gave him his money back."
 

Grandpa

Well-Known Member
Mar 2, 2014
9,724
53,642
Colorado
Did you know there are only three lawyer jokes?
The rest are all true.
I think I've told this before, but: What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A rooster clucks defiance.
 

not_nadine

Comfortably Roont
Nov 19, 2011
29,655
139,785
Behind you
Re:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop!"

I heard Johnny Depp tell this in an Al Pacino voice (it was Al's favorite joke) and I still don't get it.
 
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Blake

Deleted User
Feb 18, 2013
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There's these two Australian Siamese twins, called 'Lefty' and 'Righty'. They go into the pub and they both ask for a beer.
The barman hasn't seen them for a while, 'Where have you been?' he asks.
Righty says, 'We went for a trip to America.'
'How did you like it over there?,' asks the Barman.
'****,' says Lefty,'Americans can't make beer, their pies are crap, hot dogs are ****, basically everything. I'm glad I'm back in Australia.'
'So why did you go over there in the first place?' the barman asked.
'So my brother can have a drive in a car,' Righty says.