Really Bad Jokes.

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fljoe0

Cantre Member
Apr 5, 2008
15,859
71,642
63
120 miles S of the Pancake/Waffle line
Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a
couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up
ahead, Earl, It's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted for
drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba". Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish
drinkin' these beers, throw the bottles under the seat, and peel off the
labels and stick them on our foreheads". "What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin",OK?", said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat,
and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock,
the sheriff said, "you boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch".
 

Spideyman

Uber Member
Jul 10, 2006
46,336
195,472
79
Just north of Duma Key
Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a
couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up
ahead, Earl, It's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted for
drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba". Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish
drinkin' these beers, throw the bottles under the seat, and peel off the
labels and stick them on our foreheads". "What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin",OK?", said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat,
and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock,
the sheriff said, "you boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch".
:facepalm_smiley::rofl:
 

king family fan

Prolific member
Jul 19, 2010
33,133
117,741
south
Best-32-Silly-Jokes-21-Silly-Jokes.jpg
 

fljoe0

Cantre Member
Apr 5, 2008
15,859
71,642
63
120 miles S of the Pancake/Waffle line
A few bad jokes for Labor Day
  • I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
  • After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
  • I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
  • I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
  • I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
  • I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
  • I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
  • Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.
  • I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.
  • I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  • I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.
  • I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
  • I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
 

GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him $400 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $500 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $700 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $700" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
 

Wayoftheredpanda

Flaming Wonder Telepath
May 15, 2018
4,907
22,094
20
Once there was a boy named Little Timmy, who awoke one morning to hear his parents having a vicious argument downstairs. He leans his ear to the floorboards so he can hear the argument better. The argument between his folks became more and more heated until he finally heard his pa shout “YOU PURPLE PINECONE!!!!”. In reaction to this, little Timmy’s mum has a look of pure guttural horror on her face, as if this were the worst insult she could ever be called, and began to cry as she slammed the front door.


Little Timmy, a curious boy, immediately begins to wonder just what does “Purple Pinecone” mean? So, he decides to inquire to his dad. “Hey dad, I heard you and ma arguing, and you called her a purple Pinecone, what does that mean?” Little Timmy asks.


In response, his dad screams at the top of his lungs “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOUNG MAN? YOU ARE HEREBY BANISHED FROM THIS HOUSE!!!”


Little Timmy, age 9, recent hobo, decides that the best course of action is to head to school. The day goes pretty normal from there until recess. During recess, he had begun to forget that he had been disowned at age 9, and headed over to his very best friend Little Jimmy, who was sitting on a bench with a new coloring book in his lap. Little Timmy notices that the crayon Little Jimmy is coloring with is purple, which reminds him of his father’s peculiar insult, and he decides to ask his friend if he knows.


“Hey Jimmy, my parents were arguing and my da called my ma a ‘purple Pinecone’, do you have any idea what that means?”.


With a look of pure offense, Little Jimmy replies “How dare you say that to me! We’re not friends anymore!” And runs off to go tell the teacher.


Timmy sits there while his ex-friend tattles, very depressed that he had lost his friendship with Jimmy, who he had been friends with since they were fetuses. He watches with sad eyes as the teacher approaches him with an anger so fierce you’d think she was a rabid armadillo. His teacher grabs him by the arm and yanks him into the classroom.


“What Did you say to Little Jimmy?” She asks with a very sharp rage lingering in her voice.


“I just asked him what a purple Pinecone was” Timmy replies honestly,


“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” His teacher shrieks at the top her lungs “YOU GO TO THE OFFICE RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!”


Timmy, always seen as a good boy until that fateful morning, does as he told and heads to the principles office.


“What the heck are you in here for? You’re a straight A student with a perfect record, you never come here!” His principal asks. Hesitantly, Timmy replies with “Well, you see. I was just curious what a ‘Purple Pinecone’ was”


“THATS IT YOUNG MAN, YOU’RE GOING TO GO TALK WITH THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES”


Timmy sits across from the president, more confused than he ever been in his nine years of life.


“I just wanted to know what a purple Pinecone was Mr. President” he says, with a voice that makes it clear he has abandoned hope. The president can barely speak, he can just look at Timmy like he was the most horrifying nightmare one can even imagine.


Timmy’s head is masked, his feet tremble above the trap door, the rope tight around his neck. He has been denied both a last meal and priest, it has not yet even been thirty minutes since he merely questioned the president on his knowledge of the apparently forbidden word. The audience roars for the executioner to make it quick and just pulls the release already with bloodthirsty cries. As the executioner finishes stating that Timmy is being put to death under an infinite amount of counts of treason, the lever is pulled and Timmy’s feet hang a few feet above the ground.


“And what are you in here for?” are the first words Timmy hears as he wakes up at the Gates of hell.


“Hurry up bub I need to know what level of hell you need to be sentenced to” the gate-demon snaps.


“I just wanted to know what a purple Pinecone was” Timmy says with tears in his eyes.


The demon, clearly offended, tells Timmy he could’ve spared him that language and that for his crimes against humanity that he has been banished to the lowest level of hell for eternity.


The lowest level of hell, where Satan dwells himself, is where our young protagonist goes next.


“What the hell are you in here for?” Satan inquires, “No one has ever done something so bad to warrant them this level of hell, you’re the first person to ever come down here. You’re only nine years old, what horrible crime could you have done in that amount of time?”


“I just wanted to know what a purple Pinecone was” Timmy replies


Satan put his palm to his brow, let’s out a deep sigh, and answers the young boy standing in front of him, “You see, it’s this really long joke with no actual punchline”












 

fljoe0

Cantre Member
Apr 5, 2008
15,859
71,642
63
120 miles S of the Pancake/Waffle line
Once there was a boy named Little Timmy, who awoke one morning to hear his parents having a vicious argument downstairs. He leans his ear to the floorboards so he can hear the argument better. The argument between his folks became more and more heated until he finally heard his pa shout “YOU PURPLE PINECONE!!!!”. In reaction to this, little Timmy’s mum has a look of pure guttural horror on her face, as if this were the worst insult she could ever be called, and began to cry as she slammed the front door.


Little Timmy, a curious boy, immediately begins to wonder just what does “Purple Pinecone” mean? So, he decides to inquire to his dad. “Hey dad, I heard you and ma arguing, and you called her a purple Pinecone, what does that mean?” Little Timmy asks.


In response, his dad screams at the top of his lungs “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOUNG MAN? YOU ARE HEREBY BANISHED FROM THIS HOUSE!!!”


Little Timmy, age 9, recent hobo, decides that the best course of action is to head to school. The day goes pretty normal from there until recess. During recess, he had begun to forget that he had been disowned at age 9, and headed over to his very best friend Little Jimmy, who was sitting on a bench with a new coloring book in his lap. Little Timmy notices that the crayon Little Jimmy is coloring with is purple, which reminds him of his father’s peculiar insult, and he decides to ask his friend if he knows.


“Hey Jimmy, my parents were arguing and my da called my ma a ‘purple Pinecone’, do you have any idea what that means?”.


With a look of pure offense, Little Jimmy replies “How dare you say that to me! We’re not friends anymore!” And runs off to go tell the teacher.


Timmy sits there while his ex-friend tattles, very depressed that he had lost his friendship with Jimmy, who he had been friends with since they were fetuses. He watches with sad eyes as the teacher approaches him with an anger so fierce you’d think she was a rabid armadillo. His teacher grabs him by the arm and yanks him into the classroom.


“What Did you say to Little Jimmy?” She asks with a very sharp rage lingering in her voice.


“I just asked him what a purple Pinecone was” Timmy replies honestly,


“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” His teacher shrieks at the top her lungs “YOU GO TO THE OFFICE RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!”


Timmy, always seen as a good boy until that fateful morning, does as he told and heads to the principles office.


“What the heck are you in here for? You’re a straight A student with a perfect record, you never come here!” His principal asks. Hesitantly, Timmy replies with “Well, you see. I was just curious what a ‘Purple Pinecone’ was”


“THATS IT YOUNG MAN, YOU’RE GOING TO GO TALK WITH THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES”


Timmy sits across from the president, more confused than he ever been in his nine years of life.


“I just wanted to know what a purple Pinecone was Mr. President” he says, with a voice that makes it clear he has abandoned hope. The president can barely speak, he can just look at Timmy like he was the most horrifying nightmare one can even imagine.


Timmy’s head is masked, his feet tremble above the trap door, the rope tight around his neck. He has been denied both a last meal and priest, it has not yet even been thirty minutes since he merely questioned the president on his knowledge of the apparently forbidden word. The audience roars for the executioner to make it quick and just pulls the release already with bloodthirsty cries. As the executioner finishes stating that Timmy is being put to death under an infinite amount of counts of treason, the lever is pulled and Timmy’s feet hang a few feet above the ground.


“And what are you in here for?” are the first words Timmy hears as he wakes up at the Gates of hell.


“Hurry up bub I need to know what level of hell you need to be sentenced to” the gate-demon snaps.


“I just wanted to know what a purple Pinecone was” Timmy says with tears in his eyes.


The demon, clearly offended, tells Timmy he could’ve spared him that language and that for his crimes against humanity that he has been banished to the lowest level of hell for eternity.


The lowest level of hell, where Satan dwells himself, is where our young protagonist goes next.


“What the hell are you in here for?” Satan inquires, “No one has ever done something so bad to warrant them this level of hell, you’re the first person to ever come down here. You’re only nine years old, what horrible crime could you have done in that amount of time?”


“I just wanted to know what a purple Pinecone was” Timmy replies


Satan put his palm to his brow, let’s out a deep sigh, and answers the young boy standing in front of him, “You see, it’s this really long joke with no actual punchline”














The time to read that area a few minutes I'd like to have back. :D