AnnaMarie, sorry for your loss, I kind of understand your feeling.
My sister's death was a huge blow, but at the same time a relief, please let me explain before anyone gets all up on arms over the comment.
She had been sick for a long time, since she was 3 she showed signs of having problems, and after all of the times we bailed her out of jail, picked her up and helped her out, we got fed up at one point, more frustrated I guess is the right word to use.
After all the threats which we took serious, and the attempts ( I spent 3 hours on the phone with her in March just talking to her and hoping she wouldn't do what she said she was getting ready to do(which was to overdose on my Step-Dads BP med and a bottle of Vodka). She was laughing and said she felt better and was going to be ok. That only bought us a few more months, her other attempts were overdosing, cutting her wrists, stabbed herself in the neck trying to hit her jugular vein, lastly she took a 38 to get the job done once and for all.
Every time the phone rang late at night, or if I hadn't seen her for a long period of time I was afraid she had finally succeeded at what she had tried to do over and over. When it happened it hit like a Mack truck to the gut, yet a relief that it was over, the waiting, the struggling to keep her on her meds (which she hated because she didn't feel Normal, she was Bi-Polar and Schizophrenic and waiting for the next up day or low day wasn't happening when she was on her meds so to her she didn't feel normal) all of it was over as well as her suffering.
I miss her still- 13 years later and she didn't want to die, she wanted all the torment and suffering to go away, I don't think a person realizes it's permanent, they just want it all to stop, but not necessarily to stop living. She had made comments after loosing a friend to suicide that she would never ever want to hurt her son or our mother like that when she seen the pain her friends family was going through. Yet she did several years later.