Depression, suicide. How is everyone?

[rocker1972]

There is a lot of discussion today about Robin Williams and his tragic death. I didn't want to hijack that thread, but I do want to check in with everyone.

Mental illness is so very difficult to understand if you haven't lived it or lived really close to it. You rely on your brain to keep track of everything you need to know, and that generally works. So, if your brain is telling you that you are worthless, or life will never get better, or that getting on a bus to Las Vegas and putting all your money on one roll of the dice is a good idea...well, you don't immediately question that any more than you would question your brain telling you that fire is hot so don't touch it.

Sometimes people offer advice that isn't very helpful. "Cheer up!" they say, or "Just get yourself together." Most people wouldn't presume to tell a person with a broken leg that they just need to nut up and get back to jogging. But, people with mental illnesses are basically told the equivalent of looking at your diabetic friend and saying, "You can't take insulin, that will change who you are! Can't you just be less diabetic? Have you really TRIED to just keep your blood sugar in a good range by concentrating on all the good things in life?"

And, as was mentioned in the Robin Williams thread, you are sometimes judged if you share your story with people, or ask for help. When it has taken someone a while to realize they need some help, and then they're shut down when they ask, it can derail getting care for a long time.

I was hospitalized for depression and self-harm in high school. More than once. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am on a good mix of medications and functioning. Even so, it's not always easy to get through each day, but it's possible, which is a big step up.

Reading about other people's struggle can be very inspiring. And reading about a loss like Robin Williams can be a trigger for one's own demons.

How is everyone doing? Does anyone need or want to talk? Where are you on your own path through life? You'll get no judgment from me, and unless the SKMB Family has been replaced by Pod People, you'll find a huge amount of compassion and strength here.

(((((SKMB)))))

I have been seening a child psychologist since I was 5. I was told I had bipolar depression. I was told I may have been misdiagnosed I could be a savant. But I know all about feeling depressed and feeling worthless. the people that love you say you just need a kick up the ass. Mental illness is as real as physical. I have a pathological hated of school, I was psycogically bullied by a so called priest, I was moody my so called classmates when I was in a bad mood say "I was on the rag" sorry ladies. I rarely confide in people, I don't know what they will say. I spent one week in hospital the nurses were only interested in did I have a g/f the doctors wanted me to take a mensa test. I was in a day hospital twice, the second time I fell in love with avery special lady and she in me but my thoughts lead me to believe I wasn't good enough for her. instead of the two of us been very happy and married we were both broken hearted. she was an occupational therapist and hse broke every rule in the book. still trying to get over her. my birth father has no interest in me, if I talk abot physics or programming he tells me to shut up. any grades I got in programming I got on my own. I am doing a cbt course with aware and it is helping my thoughts think rationally. 90% of my thoughts are fine but those 10% ruin the other 90%. I have no confidence in my programming ability I apply for jobs that I am overqualified for. I know all about the feeling of no-one to listen to, feeling worthless, low self esteem. I am on stelazine and exfor and they are doing nothing.. this CBT course is helping me greatly. Try a CBT course. belive in yourslelf. if you arefeeling depressed pm. me.

 

[blunthead]

Welcome to the SKMB! Thank you for your honesty. It's helpful.

 

[hipmamajen]

I have been seening a child psychologist since I was 5. I was told I had bipolar depression. I was told I may have been misdiagnosed I could be a savant. But I know all about feeling depressed and feeling worthless. the people that love you say you just need a kick up the ass. Mental illness is as real as physical. I have a pathological hated of school, I was psycogically bullied by a so called priest, I was moody my so called classmates when I was in a bad mood say "I was on the rag" sorry ladies. I rarely confide in people, I don't know what they will say. I spent one week in hospital the nurses were only interested in did I have a g/f the doctors wanted me to take a mensa test. I was in a day hospital twice, the second time I fell in love with avery special lady and she in me but my thoughts lead me to believe I wasn't good enough for her. instead of the two of us been very happy and married we were both broken hearted. she was an occupational therapist and hse broke every rule in the book. still trying to get over her. my birth father has no interest in me, if I talk abot physics or programming he tells me to shut up. any grades I got in programming I got on my own. I am doing a cbt course with aware and it is helping my thoughts think rationally. 90% of my thoughts are fine but those 10% ruin the other 90%. I have no confidence in my programming ability I apply for jobs that I am overqualified for. I know all about the feeling of no-one to listen to, feeling worthless, low self esteem. I am on stelazine and exfor and they are doing nothing.. this CBT course is helping me greatly. Try a CBT course. belive in yourslelf. if you arefeeling depressed pm. me.

It's nice to meet you! Thank you for sharing.

I have heard good things about CBT, it's good to hear more from a new source.

 

[BeverleyMarsh]

 

[Todash]

This is so true ... but also, it's tricky. Because just like any illness or injury, there IS a self-care component to depression. Just as a knee replacement will only get you part of the way there without physical therapy, medications can lift symptoms, but they don't totally fix everything. (And then there's the issue of finding the right meds for you; brain drugs are tricky that way.) Depression LIES. It tells you not only will you never feel better, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself feel better. But the reality is that the right medication, meditation, exercise, eating healthy, sunshine, and healthy relationships can make a huge difference in how we feel.

I have been depressed before, not severely, but I have suffered from what's called dysthymia. I was fortunate in that I don't think there's much of a genetic or chemical component to mine. It was more situational, and since I was living with someone who had it much worse, and ALSO since I am female and therefore socialized to consider others' health before mine, I didn't even realize it. At the very worst I did have fleeting suicidal ideation, and that is part of what shocked me into getting therapy, which helped immensely.

I feel it sometimes sneaking back up on me when I'm not being true to myself or when I am ignoring any of my needs, but again, I count myself very lucky in that I am not medication-dependent. (I don't think there's anything at all wrong with taking antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds, but I know it can be a struggle to find the right ones ... and my one pill a day for ADD is about all I can manage. Okay, FINE, I forget it about half the time and end up having to self-medicate with pots and pots of coffee. )

I guess what I mainly want to say is that for any of you struggling with a mental illness, I see how hard it is, and I think you're very brave to keep fighting, and I really hope you remember that in fact, depression does lie. It wants you to believe that there is no way things can get better, but that's not true. Things can get better.

 

[Neesy]

This is so true ... but also, it's tricky. Because just like any illness or injury, there IS a self-care component to depression. Just as a knee replacement will only get you part of the way there without physical therapy, medications can lift symptoms, but they don't totally fix everything. (And then there's the issue of finding the right meds for you; brain drugs are tricky that way.) Depression LIES. It tells you not only will you never feel better, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself feel better. But the reality is that the right medication, meditation, exercise, eating healthy, sunshine, and healthy relationships can make a huge difference in how we feel.

I have been depressed before, not severely, but I have suffered from what's called dysthymia. I was fortunate in that I don't think there's much of a genetic or chemical component to mine. It was more situational, and since I was living with someone who had it much worse, and ALSO since I am female and therefore socialized to consider others' health before mine, I didn't even realize it. At the very worst I did have fleeting suicidal ideation, and that is part of what shocked me into getting therapy, which helped immensely.

I feel it sometimes sneaking back up on me when I'm not being true to myself or when I am ignoring any of my needs, but again, I count myself very lucky in that I am not medication-dependent. (I don't think there's anything at all wrong with taking antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds, but I know it can be a struggle to find the right ones ... and my one pill a day for ADD is about all I can manage. Okay, FINE, I forget it about half the time and end up having to self-medicate with pots and pots of coffee. )

I guess what I mainly want to say is that for any of you struggling with a mental illness, I see how hard it is, and I think you're very brave to keep fighting, and I really hope you remember that in fact, depression does lie. It wants you to believe that there is no way things can get better, but that's not true. Things can get better.

What a great post Todash! Something similar happened to me when my Mom died and I had to take care of my Dad who (as it turned out) was in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease). I guess Mom had hidden many of his symptoms by doing everything for him and not talking about it.

Anyway, long story short, I ended up with caregiver stress which led to a type of depression.

I also believe that taking care of your body with all those things you mention helps quite a bit. I'm really glad things are getting better for you and your husband lately!

 

[Dana Jean]

Again, I don't like it called mental illness. There is a stigma to that. I don't even like it called an illness. It really isn't an illness. It is just a situation, a condition -- short or long term. It is part of that person for the moment, or how they are wired.