This is such a hard time for so many! ((HipMamaJen)) ((Hollygirl))) ((All in need)) We are Ka-Tet and here for you!
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...nice metaphor....like it a lot....Howdy Ma'am, Always remember that on the great roller-coaster of life, when you're careening to the bottom it'll eventually swoop up and take you skyward. Calm days ahead, peace, and Merry Christmas, mal.
You poor thing - sounds like you have been through Hell and back (((((hipmamajen)))))Is what I'm sure you're asking yourselves, because I've been completely gone lately.
Guys, I fell in a hole and got plowed under. I'm still under. I just can't get my ****e together. GNTLGNT called me weeks ago and asked me to do a pretty minor thing for him, and I still haven't managed it. (I'm so sorry. I still have it on my To Do list, if it still needs doing.)
Alysia, my as-good-as niece, died mid-October of 2013, and I don't know why but this year has been so much harder than last year. Her birthday is mid-November, so I know that the month in there might be rough, it was in 2013 (of course) and 2014.
This year, there was a convention in Denver for our favorite TV show, and it was scheduled awesomely for the first week of November. Janet (my bestie, Alysia's mom) and 2 of my girls signed up way early in the year to go. We thought it would help bolster up that hard month, and give us something fun to look forward to.
And it did, and it was really great. Much fun was had, and much money was spent by all.
But the first day of the convention, as we were standing in line to go to the first event, Janet was checking her Facebook and said, "Hey, did you see all these articles about your church?"
(At this point, I would like to say that I don't want this post to be about my church which is probably easy to guess from what I've written here, or their policies, or where they can stick them or whether I'm a bad person for my reactions or belonging in the first place, etc. I don't want this thread to end up in Hot Topics. If we even still have Hot Topics? It's been a while..... If you have any discussion specifically on this topic, hit me up in a PM, okay?)
We were in the line forEVER, so I was able to surf around and find out that a policy change made behind the scenes by church leadership had been leaked to the press, and all heck had broken loose.
I was crushed. (Again, agree or disagree, please don't make this thread about the change because I don't want it getting crazy in here. I have to bring it up because it's central to what happened, but I'm trying to keep it kind of opaque for the purposes of not making a big mess for the mods....)
Church has been a sanctuary and support to us for a long time, but this new change didn't sit well with our consciences. Long story short, we decided to disengage. I feel very comfortable with that decision for a number of reasons, but it's still like losing an entire community. Which is not to say that we are being ostracized, everyone is as wonderful as always, but it's not the same.
So, I'm in a spin about that. And I'm angry!
And, now we're back to Christmas shopping time, which is super hard this year without Alysia. She would have turned 20 last month, and I miss her. And I'm seeing all the things my girls are doing that she will never do, and it hurts. When I think of all the things I get to do with my kids that Janet can't do with Alysia, it's slightly mitigated because my kids spend so much time with her. I know it's not the same. But, I swear they like her more than they like me!
Anyway, in the big picture, none of this is important. In 100 years, no one will be alive who remembers any of this. I am aware that, in a world on the brink of war, my crap is pretty small. But, it's keeping me plowed under. There are days I just start crying and I have to stop and think back to why I started. And this is WITH medication! (I've always been a crybaby drama queen, so it's not as bad as it sounds.)
Anyway, I'm not ignoring you guys, I'm ignoring everyone. I keep my Facebook up because I don't want to deal with my family all up in my business. If there's anything more anyone than family in general, it's family when they're trying to help!
I'll try to keep up better. Love to all.
YThis will pass. Things will get better. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. There is always a person here who will lend an ear, to help you feel better or make you smile.
there is some depression going on. I think that's unavoidable. Pain takes so much of your life energy away