Just a few thoughts from a regular Jen

[Neesy]

I've enjoyed
Some of us apparently can't tolerate others of us. I am speaking for myself. Trust me, if any of you are on my Ignore List you've earned it.

Spoiler: hehehe

 

[FlakeNoir]

Hey guys. A lot of you know me, and a lot of you don't. I've been around here for a few years now, but I tend to come and go when real life gets too, real lifey. Recently I was gone for about six months, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Pardon my Latin...and my absence, I really missed you all!

When I came back, I couldn't help but notice things were a little "off" around here, and not in a spooky Stephen King kind of way.

So, with the understanding that I am just a regular member, with no authority, I will plow forward with this and hope that what I say makes sense and is taken in the spirit I've written it.

In fact, I'm writing this because of my experience with authority at another community. Some of you know that I created and then co-lead a local homeschool support group for over 10 years. Not nearly as huge as the SKMB but big enough to know what kind of headaches lurk behind the scenes for the people who keep this site live and running smoothly every day.

Before I start, I want to say that I'm not directing this at anyone. When I started poking around I decided that I didn't want to take names or follow any particular member's posts because I really don't want to know. That's not my job, and I don't want to think of anyone in any different kind of way. Plus, this is the kind of stuff we've all done at one time or another, so please just read this post and if it rings a bell for you take what you want from it. Anything that doesn't sound like you, consider it bathwater and toss it.

Also, I'm not running this past any of the moderators. So, if this thread needs to come down because I'm just adding to the problem, please disappear any or all of it with no explanation needed. I'm not trying to speak on anyone's behalf, just from the point of view of a mod in general and I may be completely weirdly wrong about how things are behind the scenes here...

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn when I say that it sure seems like the moderators have been taking a beating lately!

Here is something to think about... This site has three moderators. Two of them work on a strictly volunteer basis in their spare time, and Ms. Mod volunteers to do this in addition to her *full-time job* of TCB for our favorite author. They don't have an unlimited amount of time to sit in front of the computer and watch these forums for us.

And moderating the SKMB is a pretty serious job, far more intense than a lot of other forums. Those of you who've been around a while will remember that it is only recently that we have been able to post in real time. Before that, Ms. Mod had to personally read and approve each post before it went up, no matter how long a member had been here. JohnD (sniff, sniff ) had over eleventy billion posts under his belt when he passed, and even his thoughts went into the queue for processing when Ms. Mod had a spare minute.

When that system ended, it didn't mean the moderators stopped having to read all of the content. Just now, because we post at our own convenience, in addition to the original posts they are often treated to a flame war that's erupted and gone on for pages while they were managing their real worlds. Festive!

I may sound a little crotchety, and it's probably because I feel a little crotchety. Please forgive me this grumpy moment with the understanding that I am not generally a snarly poster (usually I'm charming and quite a hoot if the feedback is to be believed!) But I have something I really want to say here, and I really want people to hear it.

Every time the moderators have to write a warning note or PM, or delete someone's post it kills them a little on the inside. Nobody gets into this job saying, "You know what? I don't have enough opportunities in my life to surround myself with a group of great people, and form lasting friendships. I want to meet people I can laugh with, and cry with; to worry about and to mourn when the time comes. Then most of all, I want to be forced to wade in and separate them when they're tearing out each other's throats like a pack of Cujos possessed by IT, being stung by those bees that Jack Torrance thought he killed, all crammed together in a pissed off and jealous Christine driven by Randall Flagg, while the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed..." (Yeah, that was pretty awful, I'm sure the SKMB mods have way better internal monologue, but just play along.)

Everything that's cool about these forums can go away in the blink of an eye if they become too much of a drain on the resources. And we may already be on that road, because there are currently threats to shut down the Hot Topics area. And why shouldn't there be, have you poked around in there lately? I about lost my eyelashes from the flames in some of those threads. (If only we could harness that power and focus it on unwanted chin and mustache hair. Alas...)

Really, why should SK pay out of pocket, and the moderators pay their blood, sweat and tears for us to have anything like these forums in the first place? And anything outside discussing the works of Everyone's Favorite Author is just icing on the cake. We should all be treating every inch of this place like we're in Stephen King's living room, chatting at a get-together. It's okay to disagree and discuss, but dang! No one's keeping score, no one's going to be the "winner" at the end. It's just conversation among friends.

So, for the love of all that's scary, be kind to each other. If you can't do that, ignore each other. And if you can't do that, use the "ignore" function and banish whomever is bugging you to the realm of "Internet Nowhere." You will be happier, your stomach acid will be grateful for the break, your fellow SKMB posters will thank you, and the Moderators will raise a glass of wine to you at end of the day instead of wanting to drink all day long because of this job. (I have no idea if the mods on this site partake, I'm just going by my own experience here. It's a good thing I don't drink or I'd have been in the gutter years ago dealing with moderator duties...)

Remember, everything you do that's even putting a toe up to the line, stresses out and steals time from your mods. You don't need to flagrantly break rules to be a problem. As in life, if you tend to find yourself in the middle of every poopstorm *no matter how it started*, you might want to stop and reevaluate your internal GPS settings.

Sit back, relax, find the common ground we all share. Obviously we love the works of Stephen King. But we are also a funny, articulate, caring, creative bunch of people. Let's focus on those qualities instead of the things that make us different. If we keep poking at the areas where we disagree, we will eventually find that we have absolutely no one that we can share a forum with, because there will always be something. And, as much fun as I can have sometimes, I'd die if the only place I could visit was hipmamajen.com.

I want to end by saying that I really do love everyone here, and I'm not trying to step on toes. Anything that sounds super-harsh is just because of my protectiveness of volunteers in general, but I do adore our moderators here and recognise their hard work and how we benefit from it.

If you have any issues with me, please PM me, just so this doesn't become any sort of problem thread of its own. And really, you can let me have it. I'm a big girl.

Lastly, group hug to everyone who's still reading. Thank you.

Ah Jen.... (thank you) your post made me cry. I have found the last few weeks particularly hard and at the end of last weekend was ready to re-evaluate whether I still wanted to be here in the role of moderator.
It is the people that keep me coming back, sometimes the job is very difficult, I really feel for Marsha having had to do this alone for so many years.

 

[FlakeNoir]

Does the ignoree know when they are ignored?

I don't think so, N.N.
(but truly, does it really matter? If you're ignoring someone, then surely you have no relationship with them anyway.)

 

[Dana Jean]

Thanks jen.

 

[kingricefan]

Ah Jen.... (thank you) your post made me cry. I have found the last few weeks particularly hard and at the end of last weekend was ready to re-evaluate whether I still wanted to be here in the role of moderator.
It is the people that keep me coming back, sometimes the job is very difficult, I really feel for Marsha having had to do this alone for so many years.

You. Can't. Leave. EVER!

 

[Spideyman]

Thank you, Jen for saying what needed to be said. The SKMB is family- Ka-Tet and strong to the core. Sometimes life just takes a spin and we forget that the MB is a privilege given us by SK. I've been here a long time, seen the changes, ups and downs and the one constant that is the glue that holds us all together--are the moderators-- Marsha, Flake and Dana Jean. My heart aches when they are put to task in harsh times. They all go above and beyond what is asked of them.
I posted this in another thread-- something to think about.............

Thank you Marsha, Flake and Dana Jean. You are all appreciated more than you know!

 

[PatInTheHat]

Didn't you get Romper Room "back in the day" (as the youngun's say)?

Nope can't say I recall that one, or perhaps it just didn't take
Actually I just had a fright, thought mayhaps there was a horrifying story out there, like, 'When Good Doobies Go Bad', or some such spine tinglin' mind mangler..been so long since I even seen one, imagine my relief

 

[Neesy]

Nope can't say I recall that one, or perhaps it just didn't take
Actually I just had a fright, thought mayhaps there was a horrifying story out there, like, 'When Good Doobies Go Bad', or some such spine tinglin' mind mangler..been so long since I even seen one, imagine my relief

I think I know the doobies you were talking about - maybe Romper Room was a Canadian show

 

[Spideyman]

I think I know the doobies you were talking about - maybe Romper Room was a Canadian show

Neesy it was in the states too- First in 1950's. Then internationally.

 

[Neesy]

Neesy it was in the states too- First in 1950's. Then internationally.

Thanks Spidey - my favourite show was Mr. Dressup

and The Friendly Giant was a close runner-up!

He had Jerome the Giraffe and some weird little chicken that popped up out of a bag

 

[PatInTheHat]

I think I know the doobies you were talking about - maybe Romper Room was a Canadian show

Drat, ain't got me stoner smiliecon no more.. 'Damnphone!'
Oh well...but yeah, we did, think I had a puppy crush on the gal what did it, though mostly what I think I remember was controlled chaos and bouncin' around...don't recall, um
manner lessons ;-)

 

[Neesy]

By the way, to get back to the topic of this thread - thank you Dana Jean , FlakeNoir and Moderator

 

[Sigmund]

Hey.

The vast majority of the members agree. But it's preaching to the choir IMO. The people who don't recognize themselves...they just don't. Never will. Never. (Ever.)

One member posted they would put me on Ignore and that was cool. I respected him that much more for telling me and posting it. Being straight up.

I watched the movie Devil. There was a word/term I heard, *twist*. Seemed apropos.

Peace.

BTW- I would love to Ignore but...I have friends here. I need to know if they are being slammed. I need to know if I can help in some way.

Oh! In Urban Dictionary-Twist- its #3

 

[kingricefan]

I, myself, truly admire the trio of Ladies that run this show and monitor the playground that we frequent here at the SKMB. My heart has gone out to them on more than one occasion- mostly when Steve puts his foot in his mouth in a Tweet or when a new book comes out and the world wants to know when is he coming to their town, etc. I respect the three of them immensely. I don't think I could maintain my cool (in certain situations) like they have done. As for myself, I avoid the 'Hot Topics' threads and I try my best to treat others on here with respect. I have a smart-*ss sense of humor and some folken don't get that or it might not translate well in the written word. I try not to offend, but there have been times when it's happened. I think that happens to most of us here. I am here to enjoy myself and to pass the time with my friends.

 

[Grandpa]

I've been in forums before that had a political section that was ultimately shut down. It was found to increase strife among the members, and the amount of time and energy it diverted from the moderators was well out of proportion to the rest of the site.

I could easily foresee that happening, if history of other forums is illustrative. It would take an effort on the part of the members to be self-disciplined. I don't think self-discipline holds sway in political/moral/religious discussions.

And thank you, Jen! There's just something about the Rocky Mountain West.....

 

[arista]

I have always been content to just be a member and contribute what I can. I appreciate the all the Mods and the hard work they do in maintaining this board with everyone's different points of view.

 

[bobledrew]

Perhaps there are times when the political forums need to be given a "time out" ?

 

[carrie's younger brother]

Am I naive? Or just clueless? I honestly have no idea what hipmamajen is referring to. The rest of you seem to though.

On the other hand, I try not to read/get involved in political or religious posts, so maybe that's why. I do agree that the 3 Graces (otherwise known as mods) do an amazing job. I can only just imagine (and shudder at) what goes on behind the scenes! Thanks ladies!

 

[bobledrew]

I don't know specifics, but I have seen it happen here and elsewhere. It's endemic in online communities that from time to time, people end up in ragefests, perhaps most perfectly summarized by the xkcd cartoon:

And when you get politics, religion, and all the other hot-button topics involved, then it's much easier for temperatures to rise. There are the "legitimate" arguments, where people start off politely disagreeing and end up fighting; there are the drive-by trolls who periodically pop up here and elsewhere ("Stephen King sux, the Gunslinger walks north on the beach but the beach is at the north pole, herp derp derp"); then there are people who just really enjoy stirring up s**tstorms.

I'm here pretty much for one reason -- the King threads. Chattery Teeth is cool, and I like that community, but I can shout at people in real life about politics.

The key, to me (dad-a-chee?) is to give the mods the support they need and ponder the immortal wisdom of Raylan Givens:

 

[DiO'Bolic]

Well, when people think of me they often think immediately of Hot Topics. I don’t understand why if the Hot Topics area makes people uncomfortable, or certain people do, it isn’t just avoided and the people just ignored. I tired to find out if I was part of the problem. Maybe those people I communicated with are just too kind, because I still see posts like this keep coming up, and I can’t help but think some of it is directed at me. I know there are times a post I make causes things to spiral downward and out of control. I might not be the problem, but I obviously contribute to it. Perhaps I should take a time out from the SKMB and see if things cool off. I don’t want to be the cause of people leaving. And I do feel sorry for the mods being forced to read what transpires from my posts. If nothing else, taking some time off would be an affirmation one way or the other to see if it’s me that's the problem.