Long time have not been around

[Lina]

Hi everyone! I haven't been around here lately... Since the beginning of January things started falling apart for me. So I just did not have time and mental strength to come here or anywhere else. And I am really missing you all! I'll try and come here now and then...

Just to say a few words, I am still having problems at work, the economical situation here is very unstable and everyone is going through a very hard time. So, each day is very stressful and it's very, very hard. The situation at home is also not easy. What made it even worse, things are falling apart in my private life, too. I thing I could use some piece of advice, as you all here are more experienced in life.

Many of you remember how happy I was half a year ago, when I started dating the guy I am with now. Two things are making it complicated now. First, he has to move back to his native town, it is not far away from mine, but still we'll be able to meet only at weekends. What is even worse is that my family are finishing constructions works of our new appartment that is meant for me and in a month or so I can easily move there and I have to decide if I will be moving alone or ith my boyfriend. The problem is my family is very traditional and they don't want me to live with a guy without getting married first. And my boyfriend is not ready to make this step, he wants to live together with me for some period of time first... And I just don't know what to do. On one had, I understand him and it would be great to finally live together, but on the other hand, if he really wants to be with me he has to make some choice and do what's best for me... Again, I know he loves me, I am sure he will never hurt me. But something tells me something's not right. I don't want to push him into anything, and I woudn't be able to even if I wanted to. I am so afraid to make a mistake... Let alone there is nothing good that could make me go through all this.

I would appreciate your opinions, maybe some of you would tell me something from your experience. What is the best option here, what could I do?

 

[niro]

What about an engagement and move in together?

 

[SharonC]

Listen to your heart, babe. If something is telling you it's not right, it probably isn't.

 

[Spideyman]

Sending some positive vibes and asking for guidance in your decision.

 

[blunthead]

Hi everyone! I haven't been around here lately... Since the beginning of January things started falling apart for me. So I just did not have time and mental strength to come here or anywhere else. And I am really missing you all! I'll try and come here now and then...

Just to say a few words, I am still having problems at work, the economical situation here is very unstable and everyone is going through a very hard time. So, each day is very stressful and it's very, very hard. The situation at home is also not easy. What made it even worse, things are falling apart in my private life, too. I thing I could use some piece of advice, as you all here are more experienced in life.

Many of you remember how happy I was half a year ago, when I started dating the guy I am with now. Two things are making it complicated now. First, he has to move back to his native town, it is not far away from mine, but still we'll be able to meet only at weekends. What is even worse is that my family are finishing constructions works of our new appartment that is meant for me and in a month or so I can easily move there and I have to decide if I will be moving alone or ith my boyfriend. The problem is my family is very traditional and they don't want me to live with a guy without getting married first. And my boyfriend is not ready to make this step, he wants to live together with me for some period of time first... And I just don't know what to do. On one had, I understand him and it would be great to finally live together, but on the other hand, if he really wants to be with me he has to make some choice and do what's best for me... Again, I know he loves me, I am sure he will never hurt me. But something tells me something's not right. I don't want to push him into anything, and I woudn't be able to even if I wanted to. I am so afraid to make a mistake... Let alone there is nothing good that could make me go through all this.

I would appreciate your opinions, maybe some of you would tell me something from your experience. What is the best option here, what could I do?

Listen to your heart, babe. If something is telling you it's not right, it probably isn't.

There it is.

In my experience life always catches up to us and demands we get perspective and review what we're doing to make sure what's best for us. I believe it best we never act impulsively. I think this is hardest to do when it comes to decisions about romance, due to emotions which tend to disconnect us from our intellect (intelligence). What's good is that you're asking for help to answer the question. Women tend to be more practical when it comes to romance, while men are more impulsive. I say continue to be the practical one.

If living in the apartment your parents are fixing up will be financially wise, that's one vote for doing that. I think I sense a desire on your part to not disconnect from your family at this time, not that they should decide how you live, but that you seem to suspect that they might be right this time, traditional thinking or not. Some traditions are wise. Most parents are, too. That's another vote.

My honest opinion is that you might consider not moving in with your boyfriend, yet, but to wait to see how "ready" he is to continue the relationship, whatever step is next. Try not to fear losing him over this matter. If he loves you, he'll remain grateful to be able to see you every weekend.

So that's two votes for moving into the apartment your parents are fixing up versus zero for moving in with your boyfriend. Try to take one day at a time. Love is patient, so we should be, too.

 

[kingricefan]

Hi, Lina! You've been missed! Why not just move into the apartment and continue to see this guy? If you can afford to be on your own in the apartment, then do it and see how things go with your boyfriend. Things might be better for you if you live alone for awhile so you can get a better perspective on how you would like things to go.

 

[Sigmund]

Hi, Lina!

Nice to see you back.

I'm just going to send you good vibes and say, "Take your time." You don't have to decide on anything right this minute. Take your time, see what happens with you, your apartment, family and boyfriend. Sometimes doing nothing allows you to see what's going on around you and gives you more information.

(((Hugs)))

 

[Dana Jean]

Hey girl. {{{lina}}} Good advice above.

 

[Lepplady]

Hi everyone! I haven't been around here lately... Since the beginning of January things started falling apart for me. So I just did not have time and mental strength to come here or anywhere else. And I am really missing you all! I'll try and come here now and then...

Just to say a few words, I am still having problems at work, the economical situation here is very unstable and everyone is going through a very hard time. So, each day is very stressful and it's very, very hard. The situation at home is also not easy. What made it even worse, things are falling apart in my private life, too. I thing I could use some piece of advice, as you all here are more experienced in life.

Many of you remember how happy I was half a year ago, when I started dating the guy I am with now. Two things are making it complicated now. First, he has to move back to his native town, it is not far away from mine, but still we'll be able to meet only at weekends. What is even worse is that my family are finishing constructions works of our new appartment that is meant for me and in a month or so I can easily move there and I have to decide if I will be moving alone or ith my boyfriend. The problem is my family is very traditional and they don't want me to live with a guy without getting married first. And my boyfriend is not ready to make this step, he wants to live together with me for some period of time first... And I just don't know what to do. On one had, I understand him and it would be great to finally live together, but on the other hand, if he really wants to be with me he has to make some choice and do what's best for me... Again, I know he loves me, I am sure he will never hurt me. But something tells me something's not right. I don't want to push him into anything, and I woudn't be able to even if I wanted to. I am so afraid to make a mistake... Let alone there is nothing good that could make me go through all this.

I would appreciate your opinions, maybe some of you would tell me something from your experience. What is the best option here, what could I do?

My advice is to move in to the apartment yourself. Don't hold yourself back for somebody that doesn't view you as a priority in his life.

 

[GNTLGNT]

...Hi honey, good to see you again...but wish it were a happier reunion....my thoughts from an old fart perspective....money sucks, you aren't going to be on reasonable financial footing which will add strain to any relationship. You don't give a reason for the boyfriend's move, but the weekend thing isn't the end of the world-my wife and I did it for quite some time before we married and have been together 21 years. I'm not gonna dump on your guy and say he's up to anything. I applaud him for being honest and saying he's not ready for that kind of commitment...no reason to shack up and marry and such, if he's not ready...plus, this line concerns me..."if he really wants to be with me he has to make some choice and do what's best for me."....whoa!...a relationship is give and take, so back off the "it's all about me" chant...if you've laid that on him, that may be why he's balking....and your parents?....it's OK to be Traditionalists, sometimes they really DO know best...sit down with them and your beau...hash all this out, and if he still acts hinky-, then you have your answer...I wish you love and great happiness, truly I do...

 

[17021jude]

There is a lot of great advice here up for the taking! I'm not sure anything I say would be much different than what's already been said. As a middle ager looking back on my own life experiences, in reference to your job I just want to say, there is no job security in todays world. My best advice for your own personal security is to make sure you are putting away money in the event that something would happen to your job, having a sense of security whether you are a man or a woman can make you feel calm and collect in any turbulent job situation. Always remember to take care of yourself first. The matter with your parents, mine have been really right over the years and really wrong also in their thinking and opinions. What you are unable to do (no different than the rest of us) is see your relationship from the outside, your parents are seeing your relationship whether it's first hand or only what you are telling them, for what it really is (not to downplay your relationship). Again, watch out for yourself...don't jump out of the skillet into the fire, instead sit back and see what happens, if your relationship is meant to be it will happen. Taking your time in something as monumental as a long term relationship is just smart planning for both of you. Communication is key here, if you can't talk then you don't have much of a chance. Ultimately though any decisions made should be between you and your man in respect to your relationship, not up to anyone else. As for your apartment, having a roof over your head and knowing that no matter what happens outside your front door you have a place of your own that no one can take away from you (again security in mind)...I would definitely take think about that. I don't know about where you live, but where I come from a nice place to live at a price you can afford can be hard to come by, especially if you are in a pinch to have a place to go. My dad always told me, Jude if your mind, heart and gut don't all agree on something, then don't do it. I wish you the best, you will do just fine!

 

[no bounce no play]

(((Lina))) We missed you! I'm sorry things are so stressful Is there a reason you can't move in with b/f in his town? It's nice to have your own place to go to though, could you keep the apartment your parents are fixing up if you spent most of your time at b/f's house?

My parents were old-fashioned. They were horrified when my b/f and I started living together. They liked him though and b/f and I did eventually marry so everything worked out ok.

 

[no bounce no play]

There is a lot of great advice here up for the taking! I'm not sure anything I say would be much different than what's already been said. As a middle ager looking back on my own life experiences, in reference to your job I just want to say, there is no job security in todays world. My best advice for your own personal security is to make sure you are putting away money in the event that something would happen to your job, having a sense of security whether you are a man or a woman can make you feel calm and collect in any turbulent job situation. Always remember to take care of yourself first. The matter with your parents, mine have been really right over the years and really wrong also in their thinking and opinions. What you are unable to do (no different than the rest of us) is see your relationship from the outside, your parents are seeing your relationship whether it's first hand or only what you are telling them, for what it really is (not to downplay your relationship). Again, watch out for yourself...don't jump out of the skillet into the fire, instead sit back and see what happens, if your relationship is meant to be it will happen. Taking your time in something as monumental as a long term relationship is just smart planning for both of you. Communication is key here, if you can't talk then you don't have much of a chance. Ultimately though any decisions made should be between you and your man in respect to your relationship, not up to anyone else. As for your apartment, having a roof over your head and knowing that no matter what happens outside your front door you have a place of your own that no one can take away from you (again security in mind)...I would definitely take think about that. I don't know about where you live, but where I come from a nice place to live at a price you can afford can be hard to come by, especially if you are in a pinch to have a place to go. My dad always told me, Jude if your mind, heart and gut don't all agree on something, then don't do it. I wish you the best, you will do just fine!

Your Dad was pretty smart

 

[17021jude]

Your Dad was pretty smart

Thanks, ya he was a pretty good guy

 

[Kurben]

Lina!!! So nice to hear from you again. Sorry to hear about your troubles . There is a lot of good advice above. And meeting him only on weekends for awhile wouldn't kill the relationship if you both are serious about it. So i probably move in to the apartment. One thing though, every lasting relationship, i think, is built upon compromises. There is no my way or no way. Talking about problems is a great step towardssolving them. so if you and your parents and your boyfriend sat down and talked maybe a solution could be found. Just a thought. But in the end you have to trust yourself. Don't be persuaded to do something you don't wan't to do. Hoping everything will work out, both in the private life and about work.

 

[Grandpa]

I have no advice, Lina. Just add my voice to the throng of folks who are happy to see you back and wish you the best.

 

[FlakeNoir]

I have no advice, Lina. Just add my voice to the throng of folks who are happy to see you back and wish you the best.

Ditto this.... (((Lina)))
Please keep checking in with us when you can.

 

[Jojo87]

Glad to see you Lina. Wish you all good in your life. Maybe you should move in to the apartment your parents have for you and
see how everything works out. Sending some positive vibes whatever decisions you make. Take care.

 

[not_nadine]

It's good to see you posting again, Lina. Good advice from everyone.
Let us know, please.

 

[Lina]

Thank you all for your kind words and all the advice.

What about an engagement and move in together?

That's the way I would like to do it, the compromise so many of you are talking about. But he does not understand the meaning of it. That's what I don't get here, I know he loves me and he knows this is important for me, so he should make some step. Really, I've been doing a lot things for him and I had my sacrifies to make, as well. Those who said it are right, there should be steps from both parties, and that's right.

Well, anyway... Yesterday he told me "trust me, I will solve this, I promise". I want to believe him, so I will see where it leads. I really hope it will work out for us, I just came to believe in love again half a year ago, I want to prove myself and everyone that love is strong and there is still love in the world

Thanks again for all the advice!