Put Your Feet In The Stirrups, Scoot Down, and Relax.

[Sigmund]

This thread is entirely DiO'Bolic fault. Ha! (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!)

Ladies, do we not enjoy, love and look forward to the annual Pap smear? (If you

do...there is something very wrong with you. Ha!)

The paper *gown* (AKA a doily), the cold exam table with a thin sheet of wrap, cold stirrups and the implements employed! (BTW- I strongly suspect they keep that danm speculum in the freezer.)

"Just RELAX. Everything will go much easier if you RELAX. Scoot down."

No. I cannot RELAX. (My Kegals keep kicking in. What?) My feet are almost above my ears and you are poking and prodding my hoo-hoo! I don't want to RELAX!

Just get in there and do whatever you have to do and let me outta here!



Peace.

 

[mustangclaire]

You've forgotten the frantic washing and scrubbing before hand.....

 

[FlakeNoir]

OMGawd, y'all do it kinda funny up there in Northern Hemispherian Land.

 

[pegasus216]

I just had this done this past Tuesday. Not a pap smear, but my every 3rd month exam from the cancer surgery. I have a wonderful doctor though, so it has not been an ordeal with me. She is the gentlest woman ever.

 

[GNTLGNT]

 

[GNTLGNT]

You've forgotten the frantic washing and scrubbing before hand.....

...with all the "pap prep" might as well make it a date night huh?....

 

[fljoe0]

Tell Me Mr. Papsmear Sound Clip and Quote - Hark

 

[HollyGolightly]

They need to offer us a glass of wine, put on some Barry White, maybe a neck message to help with the relaxing. My doc does give you a lovely cloth gown, with the convenient easy access boob panels on the front. Speculum in the freezer, yes, why? The cold does not help with the relaxing. Lord have mercy.

 

[EMARX]

OMGawd, y'all do it kinda funny up there in Northern Hemispherian Land.

Do Kiwis hang upside down, Flake?

 

[EMARX]

They need to offer us a glass of wine, put on some Barry White, maybe a neck message to help with the relaxing. My doc does give you a lovely cloth gown, with the convenient easy access boob panels on the front. Speculum in the freezer, yes, why? The cold does not help with the relaxing. Lord have mercy.

You'd think Mother Nature could have built in to the female anatomy some sort of hidden access instead of this intrusion into your most private areas. It had to have been invented by a man!

 

[GNTLGNT]

...I imagine, that as a woman-you wouldn't want a dentist moonlighting as a gynecologist...."open wide now".....

 

[Out of Order]

Anybody seen my wrist watch?

 

[cat in a bag]

Anybody seen my wrist watch?

 

[Lily Sawyer]

Anybody seen my wrist watch?

A gal pal's mom was a nurse in a large OBGYN practice in Atlanta and had h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s (and sometimes horrifying) stories about what went down at the office at times. *ahem*

I don't know about all o' y'all gals, but my docs have always maintained instruments that aren't cold, and have been nothing but respectful and caring. I haven't had issues, so maybe that's why I'm not as traumatized by the experience as some women are.

 

[hossenpepper]

I used to be in Health Care. we had a woman, not know for her hygiene or intelligence come in once with a tampon lodged in her cervix that had been there about a month. She had a pad on the outside that was crusted to her and had to be removed with hot soapy water. When we peeled it off, the doctor gagged and had to the leave the room to vomit. It looked like a rotten piece of avocado when he pulled it out. We had to shut the office down for the rest of the day to evacuate the odor.

BTW, that is not even close to the grossest thing I saw in my career. That is why I now sit at a computer and do office work.

 

[Out of Order]

I used to be in Health Care. we had a woman, not know for her hygiene or intelligence come in once with a tampon lodged in her cervix that had been there about a month. She had a pad on the outside that was crusted to her and had to be removed with hot soapy water. When we peeled it off, the doctor gagged and had to the leave the room to vomit. It looked like a rotten piece of avocado when he pulled it out. We had to shut the office down for the rest of the day to evacuate the odor.

BTW, that is not even close to the grossest thing I saw in my career. That is why I now sit at a computer and do office work.

I guess I shouldn't ask if you made dip........

 

[Lily Sawyer]

Happy Birthday, Doc:

One of the nurses at the above-mentioned practice pretended she was due for her annual, so she scheduled one early in the morning before the practice opened for the day. The doc who examined her discovered that she still had in her diaphragm, so she apologized and told him to just take it out and continue.

When he did, he realized that "happy birthday, Bob" was written in tiny letters around the edge of the diaphragm. It was all a gag to wish him well.

Not exactly my sense of humor, but hey, I guess it was a hazard of his profession, eh?

 

[hossenpepper]

I guess I shouldn't ask if you made dip........

The kit was in the package...

 

[hossenpepper]

Happy Birthday, Doc:

One of the nurses at the above-mentioned practice pretended she was due for her annual, so she scheduled one early in the morning before the practice opened for the day. The doc who examined her discovered that she still had in her diaphragm, so she apologized and told him to just take it out and continue.

When he did, he realized that "happy birthday, Bob" was written in tiny letters around the edge of the diaphragm. It was all a gag to wish him well.

Not exactly my sense of humor, but hey, I guess it was a hazard of his profession, eh?

I often wish gags to wish me happy birthday would include this sort of thing from a lady...

 

[Lily Sawyer]

One of the other docs in the practice volunteered from time to time at a hospital in a sketchy part of town on weekends. To her surprise, she recognized one of the practice's patients in the ER, all coiffed and dressed nicely. Definitely not your typical Saturday night gunshot wound complaint.

She decided the woman would be her next patient. When it got down to business, it turned out the woman, who was around 65 or so, had been masturbating with a light bulb - and it had gotten stuck inside her. She'd gone to the hospital across town because her husband (out of town at a conference) was a doc and she didn't want stories to circulate if she was recognized by any of his cronies in the part of town where she lived.

How that woman drove from Dunwoody to Decatur without being cut is beyond me.