Recently, I had occasion to realize that I didn't have a great amount of self-defense mojo, so this weekend, I took a seminar (plus I will be looking into some ongoing martial arts study). I want to share some highlights with you. These tips are geared toward women, but of course men can be victims of violence as well.
Preventing assault
The best way to survive assault is to not be assaulted in the first place. Here are the 4 As that can help us with that.
Be aware - Carry a cell phone. But ... avoid preoccupation. When you are en route, even when walking, that phone should be put away, because you should be paying attention to your surroundings. Plus, a woman talking or texting on her cell and/or digging in her purse just flat LOOKS like a victim. (Have your car key/fob in your hand before you walk out the door of wherever you are.) Acknowledge the presence of other people. Make eye contact. Nod. They know you've seen them, so they can't take you by surprise, plus you can describe them if need be.
Be/look alert - Demonstrate an alert, strong persona. Walk with your head high, confidently. Keep your hands out of your pockets. Scan your environment. Be aware of cars that pull up to your or pass you repeatedly.
Avoid - Avoid potential problem areas, secluded places. Avoid thinking there is something about you that makes you safe; anyone could become a victim. (The police major who conducted the first part of the training once had her wallet stolen from her purse in the basement of a church where a wedding between two police officers was taking place. The place was full of cops.) Don't leave drinks, even soda, unattended. Don't drink yourself into a loss of alertness.
Action - Understand your capabilities. Don't try to pretend you know karate if you don't, for example. Be your own bodyguard (especially for young adults: your parents aren't watching out for you now; you have to watch out for yourself). Go over scenarios in your head. Have a response ready. A hand out and a firm "STAY BACK" may be enough; criminals want the easy target.
Safety at home
Never open the door without using the peep hole to see who's there. If strangers are requesting to use your phone, call for them. Close drapes/blinds (I am bad about this); you don't want to give peeping Toms fodder to escalate their fantasies to something more. Don't do anything to indicate that you are a woman living by yourself or just with kids. Don't hide keys in obvious places (most places are obvious to criminals who break in for a living). Never get in an elevator with just one male. If you are by yourself and a single male gets on, no matter how well he is dressed or how nice he seems, exit at that floor.
Walking/exercising
Avoid doing it outside at night. If you must, choose a well-lighted area near near a road. Carry a whistle or pepper spray. (If you have to use pepper spray, spray from a foot or so back in an X or Z pattern.) Vary your route. No headsets, or at the least, keep one earbud out. If a car appears to be following you, turn and walk in the opposite direction. If a car passes you more than once, take note of the make, model, and license plate. Call the cops if the car continues to pursue you.
Distractions
Realize people are not always who they seem to be. Avoid stereotyping; more often than not you are wrong. (Ted Bundy seemed handsome, articulate, intelligent, sympathetic, and kind—long enough to get his victims where he wanted them.) Rapists look just like every other guy you know. Avoid large disturbances; those can be staged for control of your attention. Women can be a decoy, and women can be criminals.
Purses
Keeping it safe - Less of an issue, but none of us want our purses stolen. So. Carry it close to your body (and a smaller purse is a smaller target) or use a fanny pack with the pack in front (I'll be switching to a fanny pack for most things). If you choose to put it in your trunk while you go in somewhere, place it in your trunk before you leave your house; it's easy for a criminal to pop a trunk and steal it after watching you place it there. If you have it in the car with you, keep it in the floorboard so it's hard for someone to reach in and grab. In stores, keep it on your body, not in the cart. Keep it zipped. It takes one second for someone to steal your purse or your wallet from your purse while you're reading nutrition information.
Damage control - Don't carry stuff in your purses that is very important to you, be it an heirloom piece of jewelry, your child's first tooth, whatever. Because if someone snatches it, you need to let it go. It's not worth your life or even an injury. Photocopy the fronts and backs of your wallet contents and keep that paper somewhere safe (not your purse) so that you can easily report your credit cards, etc., missing.
I learned a lot about what to do if you are attacked, as well, but that's harder to communicate here. Just know that I can break your nose or kneecap if I have to now.
Preventing assault
The best way to survive assault is to not be assaulted in the first place. Here are the 4 As that can help us with that.
Be aware - Carry a cell phone. But ... avoid preoccupation. When you are en route, even when walking, that phone should be put away, because you should be paying attention to your surroundings. Plus, a woman talking or texting on her cell and/or digging in her purse just flat LOOKS like a victim. (Have your car key/fob in your hand before you walk out the door of wherever you are.) Acknowledge the presence of other people. Make eye contact. Nod. They know you've seen them, so they can't take you by surprise, plus you can describe them if need be.
Be/look alert - Demonstrate an alert, strong persona. Walk with your head high, confidently. Keep your hands out of your pockets. Scan your environment. Be aware of cars that pull up to your or pass you repeatedly.
Avoid - Avoid potential problem areas, secluded places. Avoid thinking there is something about you that makes you safe; anyone could become a victim. (The police major who conducted the first part of the training once had her wallet stolen from her purse in the basement of a church where a wedding between two police officers was taking place. The place was full of cops.) Don't leave drinks, even soda, unattended. Don't drink yourself into a loss of alertness.
Action - Understand your capabilities. Don't try to pretend you know karate if you don't, for example. Be your own bodyguard (especially for young adults: your parents aren't watching out for you now; you have to watch out for yourself). Go over scenarios in your head. Have a response ready. A hand out and a firm "STAY BACK" may be enough; criminals want the easy target.
Safety at home
Never open the door without using the peep hole to see who's there. If strangers are requesting to use your phone, call for them. Close drapes/blinds (I am bad about this); you don't want to give peeping Toms fodder to escalate their fantasies to something more. Don't do anything to indicate that you are a woman living by yourself or just with kids. Don't hide keys in obvious places (most places are obvious to criminals who break in for a living). Never get in an elevator with just one male. If you are by yourself and a single male gets on, no matter how well he is dressed or how nice he seems, exit at that floor.
Walking/exercising
Avoid doing it outside at night. If you must, choose a well-lighted area near near a road. Carry a whistle or pepper spray. (If you have to use pepper spray, spray from a foot or so back in an X or Z pattern.) Vary your route. No headsets, or at the least, keep one earbud out. If a car appears to be following you, turn and walk in the opposite direction. If a car passes you more than once, take note of the make, model, and license plate. Call the cops if the car continues to pursue you.
Distractions
Realize people are not always who they seem to be. Avoid stereotyping; more often than not you are wrong. (Ted Bundy seemed handsome, articulate, intelligent, sympathetic, and kind—long enough to get his victims where he wanted them.) Rapists look just like every other guy you know. Avoid large disturbances; those can be staged for control of your attention. Women can be a decoy, and women can be criminals.
Purses
Keeping it safe - Less of an issue, but none of us want our purses stolen. So. Carry it close to your body (and a smaller purse is a smaller target) or use a fanny pack with the pack in front (I'll be switching to a fanny pack for most things). If you choose to put it in your trunk while you go in somewhere, place it in your trunk before you leave your house; it's easy for a criminal to pop a trunk and steal it after watching you place it there. If you have it in the car with you, keep it in the floorboard so it's hard for someone to reach in and grab. In stores, keep it on your body, not in the cart. Keep it zipped. It takes one second for someone to steal your purse or your wallet from your purse while you're reading nutrition information.
Damage control - Don't carry stuff in your purses that is very important to you, be it an heirloom piece of jewelry, your child's first tooth, whatever. Because if someone snatches it, you need to let it go. It's not worth your life or even an injury. Photocopy the fronts and backs of your wallet contents and keep that paper somewhere safe (not your purse) so that you can easily report your credit cards, etc., missing.
I learned a lot about what to do if you are attacked, as well, but that's harder to communicate here. Just know that I can break your nose or kneecap if I have to now.
