Wedding Etiquette

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kelliblue

Well-Known Member
Jul 31, 2018
385
2,016
Some things I've been wondering:
1. Should the bride or the bridesmaids pay for the bridesmaid dresses?
2. Should a bride ask her bridesmaids to pitch in for the cost of an expensive designer dress?
3. Should the groomsmen pay for their own tuxes?
4. Should the bride's family pay for the cost of the entire wedding?
5. How do you feel about couples asking for cash instead of gifts from their guests?
6. If a couple is supposed to send thank you cards to their guests, then why do a lot of them neglect to do this?

Share your thoughts please. Thank you.
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
1. Bride.
2. NO.
3. NO.
4. NO.
5. I wouldn't have a problem with that.

6. I think one of the rudest things is to not send a thank you. But, a phone thank you, email thank you or even a text thank you is acceptable depending on the event, a thank you of some sort should go out.
 

Moderator

Ms. Mod
Administrator
Jul 10, 2006
52,243
157,324
Maine
1. Bridesmaids typically pay for their own dress because they keep it.
2. If the bride has picked an especially expensive dress, it would be a nice gesture to help pay for it. Even more so if it's a dress that they wouldn't be likely to wear again.
3. Yes
4. No
5. If it's worded as a request not a demand, wouldn't have a problem with it.
6. Rudeness
 

Sundrop

Sunny the Great & Wonderful
Jun 12, 2008
28,520
156,619
1. The bride should pay for the dresses. It is horribly embarrassing to be asked to be a bridesmaid, and then be asked to pay for a dress that you can't afford, nor ever use again.
2 & 3. Members of the wedding party should never be asked to pay for the dresses or tuxes.
4. These days, many couples are taking on the expense of the wedding. I like that.
5. I think it's tacky to ask for cash.
6. It is the most extreme form of rudeness not to send a thank you note.
 

kelliblue

Well-Known Member
Jul 31, 2018
385
2,016
There's just a lot of things I wish I had known about wedding etiquette before I was in a bridal party. I learned them the hard way. I never thought to do research first, probably because I was in college and I didn't have time. Weddings are never easy, even if it's your own family.
 

Moderator

Ms. Mod
Administrator
Jul 10, 2006
52,243
157,324
Maine
I wonder if it's a regional thing, as around here it's expected that the bridesmaids pay for their dresses. It's known up front that's how it works so up to the bridesmaid to decline being a bridesmaid if she doesn't think she can afford the expense. Same thing for the tuxes.
 

Klerekast

Human Magpie
Apr 30, 2015
322
2,095
37
The Netherlands
We kept our wedding small and cosy (no bridesmaids, no big locations, no catering, etcetera), so my answers may be off. However, following my gut feeling alone:

1. If the bride really wants bridesmaids and if she really wants them to wear something specific, I think the bride should pay. If they can wear whatever they see fit, they should pay for it themselves.
2. Definitely not!
3. See #1.
4. No, but it would be nice if they chip in.
5. Totally depends on the way they word it. If I gave them money, I would probably still include a (small) gift too anyway, because I like that.
6. To be perfectly honest I don't see the point of sending thank you cards (despite the fact that I'm very big on good manners), but maybe that's just because it isn't common here? Of course it is a very nice gesture to do so.
 

mal

content
Jun 23, 2007
4,714
27,243
61
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
1. Should the bride or the bridesmaids pay for the bridesmaid dresses?
Depends on socioeconomic level of whoever is paying. Worst case, they wear their own dresses, nothing matches, but love wins the day.
2. Should a bride ask her bridesmaids to pitch in for the cost of an expensive designer dress?
No. That should come under the Bride and her family. Worst case, she wears a used pant suit, is embarrased, but love wins the day.
3. Should the groomsmen pay for their own tuxes?
Yes. As long as they are rentals. Otherwise they should wear anything cheap they can find, they'll look horrible together, but love wins the day.
4. Should the bride's family pay for the cost of the entire wedding?
Traditionally yes but in this day and age you find money where you can. Worst case, you have a no frills wedding, but love wins the day.
5. How do you feel about couples asking for cash instead of gifts from their guests?
I think it should be the norm. Money makes the world go around, not Swarovski Crystal.
6. If a couple is supposed to send thank you cards to their guests, then why do a lot of them neglect to do this?
They are greedy self-obsessed little piglets. In this case love does not win the day. Le poseurs! Fooey!
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
1. Should the bride or the bridesmaids pay for the bridesmaid dresses?
Depends on socioeconomic level of whoever is paying. Worst case, they wear their own dresses, nothing matches, but love wins the day.
2. Should a bride ask her bridesmaids to pitch in for the cost of an expensive designer dress?
No. That should come under the Bride and her family. Worst case, she wears a used pant suit, is embarrased, but love wins the day.
3. Should the groomsmen pay for their own tuxes?
Yes. As long as they are rentals. Otherwise they should wear anything cheap they can find, they'll look horrible together, but love wins the day.
4. Should the bride's family pay for the cost of the entire wedding?
Traditionally yes but in this day and age you find money where you can. Worst case, you have a no frills wedding, but love wins the day.
5. How do you feel about couples asking for cash instead of gifts from their guests?
I think it should be the norm. Money makes the world go around, not Swarovski Crystal.
6. If a couple is supposed to send thank you cards to their guests, then why do a lot of them neglect to do this?
They are greedy self-obsessed little piglets. In this case love does not win the day. Le poseurs! Fooey!
But, love wins the day, right?
 

Neesy

#1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side
May 24, 2012
61,289
239,271
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
1. Should the bride or the bridesmaids pay for the bridesmaid dresses?
Depends on socioeconomic level of whoever is paying. Worst case, they wear their own dresses, nothing matches, but love wins the day.
2. Should a bride ask her bridesmaids to pitch in for the cost of an expensive designer dress?
No. That should come under the Bride and her family. Worst case, she wears a used pant suit, is embarrased, but love wins the day.
3. Should the groomsmen pay for their own tuxes?
Yes. As long as they are rentals. Otherwise they should wear anything cheap they can find, they'll look horrible together, but love wins the day.
4. Should the bride's family pay for the cost of the entire wedding?
Traditionally yes but in this day and age you find money where you can. Worst case, you have a no frills wedding, but love wins the day.
5. How do you feel about couples asking for cash instead of gifts from their guests?
I think it should be the norm. Money makes the world go around, not Swarovski Crystal.
6. If a couple is supposed to send thank you cards to their guests, then why do a lot of them neglect to do this?
They are greedy self-obsessed little piglets. In this case love does not win the day. Le poseurs! Fooey!
We had a good wedding in Scotland - however, we had the reception at the restaurant on the golf course that Andy was running, he got a good friend of his (another chef) to do the food and I had already brought my dress from Canada.

Our maid of honour just went out and bought a nice dress for herself, after she looked at my dress so she could guage what style to get. I never even thought of offering her any cash :O_O::a11: - maybe I should have. She took the ferry to the mainland for the day, so it was a day out for her.

The guys in the wedding picture were men who already owned their own kilts plus my two sons just rented kilts for the day.

I think the most expensive thing overall would have been the flowers - I splurged on those, at the local florist/greenhouse on the island.
 

mal

content
Jun 23, 2007
4,714
27,243
61
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
We had a good wedding in Scotland - however, we had the reception at the restaurant on the golf course that Andy was running, he got a good friend of his (another chef) to do the food and I had already brought my dress from Canada.

Our maid of honour just went out and bought a nice dress for herself, after she looked at my dress so she could guage what style to get. I never even thought of offering her any cash :O_O::a11: - maybe I should have. She took the ferry to the mainland for the day, so it was a day out for her.

The guys in the wedding picture were men who already owned their own kilts plus my two sons just rented kilts for the day.

I think the most expensive thing overall would have been the flowers - I splurged on those, at the local florist/greenhouse on the island.
Aren't Scottish weddings some sort of pagan cross dressing ritual resulting in huge exertion from tossing the caber?
 

Hill lover35

Well-Known Member
Jan 8, 2017
3,717
20,019
42
Alberta canada
1. Bridesmaids typically pay for their own dress because they keep it.
2. If the bride has picked an especially expensive dress, it would be a nice gesture to help pay for it. Even more so if it's a dress that they wouldn't be likely to wear again.
3. Yes
4. No
5. If it's worded as a request not a demand, wouldn't have a problem with it.
6. Rudeness


ok so I think that number 6 may be a generanal thing. I am 37 and most people i know or are a bit younger then me do not send out cards, not shure if they do anything else, however i think it is very rude not to do any thing. That is very rude and tacky. people really should do some of these things
 

Hill lover35

Well-Known Member
Jan 8, 2017
3,717
20,019
42
Alberta canada
Some things I've been wondering:
1. Should the bride or the bridesmaids pay for the bridesmaid dresses?
2. Should a bride ask her bridesmaids to pitch in for the cost of an expensive designer dress?
3. Should the groomsmen pay for their own tuxes?
4. Should the bride's family pay for the cost of the entire wedding?
5. How do you feel about couples asking for cash instead of gifts from their guests?
6. If a couple is supposed to send thank you cards to their guests, then why do a lot of them neglect to do this?

Share your thoughts please. Thank you.

are you the bride?