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A Doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription, and pulls out a Rectal Thermometer.
"Oh, damn it," he proclaims,
"Some ass-hole has my pen!
So true!Will I Live to see 80?
(Here's something to think about.)
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past Seventy Five).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said...
She looked at me and said,
'Then, why do you even give a s**t?'
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children when a blind man joins them.
The bus arrives but they find it overloaded, and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the blind man's stick as he taps it on the side-walk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”
The blind man replies, “If you'd have put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus … so why don't you shut up.”
I know of one, but I don't know if it's politically incorrect or just a tad rude...
This is another from the same Leonard story see above...or maybe below? Can we have new posts show up at top still? This one is about a guy who tells his friend he's got an excruciating pain in his bum. And the friend tells him he has piles and what kind of cream to use for it. The guy tries the cream but still has the awful pain. He runs into another friend and tells him about it. This one says no, creams don't work. He tells the guy to have a cup of tea, then take the tea leaves and pack them up his behind like a poultice. The guy does it, has a cup of tea every day for a week and stuffs the leaves up his heinie. The guy's still in terrible pain, so finally he goes to see a doctor. The doctor tells him to drop his pants and bend over. He looks up the guy's keester and says, "Yes, I see you have piles. And I see you're going to go on a long journey."
said by a true Lady!