Short version: Drunks.
Long version: A couple of times over the summer I ran into this weird guy, older than I, who I knew in community college 35 years ago. He bent my ear so I could hardly break free and asked several times for my phone number. I told him my last name and that the number was in the book. Finally, after he twisted my arm till it nearly came off I wrote down my name and number but thank God he never called.
So the other day I was at a yard sale and bought this crummy little Halloween tree with ornaments. The tree was too crappy to use, but I made a better one out of creepy twigs I keep handy and washed all the ornaments. Things I wash, I always leave under an upturned milk crate, plastic basket, or metal bicycle basket so the cats won't pilfer them but they managed to snag three anyway. It was 10 p.m. before I located the last one, by which time I'd turned up half a dozen toy mice, my scissors case missing since missing since October 10, toothpicks, popsicle sticks, paper clips, and other sundries.
So, since the ornaments were hardly enough to make a decent display anyhow, I took the excuse to drive to a couple of dollar stores in neighboring towns 30-40 miles away. On a Sunday not too many other places should be open so I shouldn't fall into the usual thrift store time warp. (Ha.) All seemed to go fine at first. Hit a lovely estate sale, one dollar store where I got nothing, and was doing well in the other dollar store when who should say hi to me but the same damn weirdo. Even this was good because he looked comparatively clean (opposed to when he lived in my town which lacks a laundromat) and at least having moved 30 miles away he was happier and the further he is from me the happier I am. (The creepy thing is after not thinking of him for months, I had just mentioned him to a guy at coffee hour in church.)
So I took longer than I needed in the dollar store, for one so as not to miss anything after having come all that way, and for another to give this character time to clear off. Sad to say, when I came out he was hanging on a bench I could not avoid passing on the way to my car. He tried to drag me into conversation. I asked where he lived, which was not far and in the direction I was heading. So far, so good. Dancing with desperation to be off, the only way I could see to escape was to tell him if he wanted a ride, he needed to get in the car NOW, or else not; it was his choice.
I offered him a ride because: 1) He has no car, and I used to ride with him in college when he had a car and I had none. I couldn't even get a ride with my dad most of the time as his car spent about two years in the shop. (Old car, dodgy mechanic.) 2) It was starting to rain and it seemed only decent. 3) I figured he was hinting at it anyhow, hanging around looking pathetic, and it would at least get us the hell out of there. I did none of this because I wanted to or considered it a good idea. He kept drinking out of a tall aluminum can in a paper bag, and said, "I wish reading was the only thing I was addicted to."
Now the fatal freakishness began. When I went to remove stuff from the passenger seat, he COMPLETELY VANISHED. I figured one of two things had happened: he had stepped into some time/space portal or a dentist's office. Not knowing the way to the portal, I tried the dentist's office where sure enough he had gone to use the rest room.
I wanted to dump him at his door and get the hell out, but he said he had been to several stores for a certain newspaper, and every store was out. He wanted to try another which was between where we were and his place. When we got there he kept asking how long I had, so I looked at my watch to ascertain the exact time. He said he needed extra to get cash from the ATM so I said I wouldn't worry for 15 minutes.
After 28 minutes, I got out of the car. By now enough people had left that I was able to park in the row nearest the store, which was good as it was raining heavily. I ran up and down every corner of that store and he was COMPLETELY GONE! I asked to speak to the manager, but he was on break so I spoke to a clerk, figuring if this guy had the unmitigated gall to ask after me I'd better leave proof that I did come in to look for him. I said I would wait until 45 minutes exactly had elapsed from when I checked my watch outside, and then leave, which I did. The clerk said, "I hope you find him." I said, "Well, I hope I don't, because then there he'll be, but I sorta hope I do, because I don't want to never know what happened."
The road I would usually take was blocked off for street work anyway, so I took the way to the intersection where he told me he lived, thinking if I saw him walking I could shout abuse at him, but saw no one.
I drove to the craft and fabric store where I was intending to go immediately from the dollar store. I thought I had plenty of time as it is usually open until 9:00, unfortunately on Sundays it closes at 6:00 and I was over 30 minutes late! Stopped at two other stores hoping I could still find the glue I was intending to shop for at the fabric store, but there was nothing for it but to drive clear back to Walmart, not only in the opposite direction from home, but far enough off to be in the next town! Picked up some stuff I hope will work. One good thing is while I was wandering around the end of town with the craft and fabric store, I found another dollar store, bigger, closer to home, easier to get to, probably better in every way, so from now on I'll just shop there and avoid the whole end of town where I know trouble to be.
Anyhow, the detour to Walmart took me past the store where I'd dropped my questionable companion. By then it was killing me so I went in to speak to the manager, who knew the guy. I said I have two theories: he has a problem, or was abducted by space aliens, obviously from inside the store as I never saw him leave! (It turns out the newspapers are in machines outside and he'd have to walk right past where I was parked to reach them.) The manager said under no conditions had alien abduction ever taken place in that store--the cameras are well-maintained and would catch any such occurrence. He did say the guy and his son are heavy drinkers and he often comes in just before closing looking for a beer, so we accepted that as the logical explanation. I said the only thing that kind of worries me is if this guy does remember my last name (which I'm sure he used in accosting me) he can look up my number in the book! The manager said not to worry about it which I think is right. Anyhow, one great thing is I don't have to worry about trying to be nice to this turkey anymore! Another great thing is he is not online and has no intentions of going on, so he can't look me up there! Wasted well over an hour but probably worthwhile.
