Funny things kids say and do.

My son had his best friend stay over Saturday night. I drifted off to sleep on the living room couch around midnight or so while watching Forensic Files. About 1:30am my son and his friend come racing out of his room and skid to a halt in front of the couch. My son starts shaking me, "Dad! Dad! Dad!, Wake up!" I came out of sleep much quicker than usual with nightmares of the house being on fire or something.

Me: "What's wrong guys?"

My son's friend, Cayden is now hopping around the room saying something about how both of them are going to be rich. My son says "Dad, we've figured out who shot JFK!"

Me: ".............................................Huh?"

"We figured out there's some lady wearing a red scarf and we think she pulled a pistol and shot JFK as he drove by her. We've been watching videos all night trying to see if we could get a better angle."

Me:"..................................Huh? That's awesome guys. Go to bed, it's late."

"Ok. But we're going to talk to you about this in the morning."

Me: "Sure, ok. (I'm stumbling toward the bedroom at this point)

My wife: (Half asleep) "Were the boys talking to you?"

Me: "'Yeah, they figured out who shot JFK. Said they'd explain it in the morning."

They never brought it up the next day. I asked them about it as they were eating breakfast, both seemed completely uninterested in the subject....weird.

i dunno, but kids hate me, for unknown reason.

for example, i was babysitting my cousin, who is already a year old (this happens 5 months ago), when i tried to play with him, i always get slapped. the same to my friend's cousin and niece and nephew and to my mom's friends's son and daughter. i dunno why, i look at myself at the mirror why Kids always slap me, pull my hair, kick my stomach or try to break my cheap eyeglasses, even those kid who are already 2 years old. i serioulsy don't know why kids hate me

A few months back I was showing off my ninja skills to my kids by slicing cucumber in half with one mighty swing of a kitchen knife. My older son's reaction (8 y.o.): "Wow! Did you learn that in college?"
Very humbling, I gotta tell ya.

Well, one day I was visiting a friend who had a large family with five girls and one boy. We got to joking around about beards and comparing ours to each other.

Then one of his then five year old asked:

"Why do people have beards?"

And neither of us could provide an answer.

i still don't know the answer to that question, except that science thinks it is part of evolution. And while I know a fair amount of stuff about evolution, evolution is simply not something that can be explained very easily to a five year old.

Lee9900 said:

Well, one day I was visiting a friend who had a large family with five girls and one boy. We got to joking around about beards and comparing ours to each other.

Then one of his then five year old asked:

"Why do people have beards?"

And neither of us could provide an answer.

i still don't know the answer to that question, except that science thinks it is part of evolution. And while I know a fair amount of stuff about evolution, evolution is simply not something that can be explained very easily to a five year old.

Click to expand...

You should have told him "Because Chuck Norris wears a beard....end of story."

ghost19 said:

You should have told him "Because Chuck Norris wears a beard....end of story."

Click to expand...

No. I despise Chuck Norris now and don't find those things funny any more.

Lee9900 said:

No. I despise Chuck Norris now and don't find those things funny any more.

Click to expand...

But did you know, that Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs?!

shaitan said:

But did you know, that Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs?!

Click to expand...

That's a really disrespectful response. And a highly conditioned one.

Every single time I say i don't like Chuck Norris people want to bombard me with utter imbecilic Chuck Norris jokes.

Lee9900 said:

That's a really disrespectful response. And a highly conditioned one.

Every single time I say i don't like Chuck Norris people want to bombard me with utter imbecilic Chuck Norris jokes.

Click to expand...

...oh settle down...don't be so touchy...

Lee9900 said:

That's a really disrespectful response. And a highly conditioned one.

Every single time I say i don't like Chuck Norris people want to bombard me with utter imbecilic Chuck Norris jokes.

Click to expand...

Lee9900,
No disrespect was ever intended. If my post offended you in any way, I do apologize. It was just friendly teasing, nothing more.

I ap

shaitan said:

Lee9900,
No disrespect was ever intended. If my post offended you in any way, I do apologize. It was just friendly teasing, nothing more.

Click to expand...

Thank you for the apology, i appreciate it.

I just get incredibly frustrated sometimes, because sometimes i want to have a serious discussion about Chuck Norris political beliefs and then all anybody wants to do is tell those jokes and i've come to really despise them because of that.

i apologize for snapping at you too.

Lee9900 said:

No. I despise Chuck Norris now and don't find those things funny any more.

Click to expand...

Understood.

ghost19 said:

Understood.

Click to expand...

Matt Damon!!

Oh, and just to add to the things that children say, that may not be regarded as 'wise,' my 22yo advised me the other day that she had used an entire roll of double-sided tape to decorate our letterbox, and light pole standing in our front yard, because there was no-one's name on it.
It's neither reflective or useful for such applications.

I had to point out that because HER name was not on it, and that she obviously did not recall buying it, it belonged to someone who's permission was required to use it.

I also had to point out that a normal five year old would apologise and learn from the experience...

Lee9900 said:

"Why do people have beards?"

And neither of us could provide an answer.

i still don't know the answer to that question, except that science thinks it is part of evolution. And while I know a fair amount of stuff about evolution, evolution is simply not something that can be explained very easily to a five year old.

Click to expand...

'because we are animals, and were once covered in hair (fur) , and as we've evolved we need less hair'

Piece of p1ss

As us Brits like to say

ghost19 said:

Understood.

Click to expand...

Lee9900 said:

I ap


Thank you for the apology, i appreciate it.

I just get incredibly frustrated sometimes, because sometimes i want to have a serious discussion about Chuck Norris political beliefs and then all anybody wants to do is tell those jokes and i've come to really despise them because of that.

i apologize for snapping at you too.

Click to expand...

What's your beef with Chuckie, if you don't mind me asking?