I'm bummed today because...

[Spideyman]

For 45 or 50 years of my life I've been going around reading books, watching TV and movies, observing people, events, and other things, and doing some writing, thinking something has to inspire me to produce something great. Once this happens I will no longer be insignificant baggage and can survive on the proceeds. Of course people can choose to continue to run me down but if they do so they'll just make themselves look bad as if they're jealous. There was a constant turning of gears, thinking "one of these is bound to catch," at all times, possibly even when asleep. It's only in the past four years I've suspected this was some sort of Fountain of Youth/El Dorado/Northwest Passage wild goose chase and I'd have about as much chance of making the bestseller list as finding the lost continent of Atlantis! There are gears on one side and not the other and I suspect my side is the one with the missing teeth! The question is, do I still deserve to live? All these years I was surviving mainly on the assumption it would be a shame to kill a great artist before inevitable success. Now I'm wondering if I should not die in the near future if not should have done years ago. And if not how to prevent it!

CoriSCapnSkip - You already have produced something great-- YOU! You are a productive member of the SKMB. Your input here is valued. Life is not measures on Proceeds- wealth. The only person in your life that you have control over is yourself. Let others think as they will. Here, on this MB, you are special. You are one of the Ka-Tet. You have this family!
I'll pass on the old saying once again: "Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change." There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

Cori. Please stop thinking like this. Not all of us will do brilliant things or be rich or famous. But that doesn't mean we are dead weight. Each of us has an effect on one another. Your friends here on the SKMB care about you. You mean something. You are special and unique and we know it. And we're a pretty smart bunch. Do something to take your mind off things. Binge a TV show, watch a movie, read a book, listen to music. Find something that reaches your soul and let it take over for a while. You . Are. Loved.

Thanks. It's said that "For every John Lennon, there are plenty of non-Lennons." What's even more strange is that some may play as many or more instruments than John, and possibly play better. Some would be better singers. Some write lyrics though maybe not consistently as good. It's the overall combination of many elements which makes for greatness. (One friend's father constantly used Frank Sinatra as an example, of what is important in life not being how well you do, or did, sound but how well you treat people. Lennon could also serve as an example of this.)

For many years reading really did help. I had some setbacks in high school and college when I started writing books and having them rejected, and even after that I had reading. I can still listen to audiobooks if suitably settled and occupied. I also have done home renovation and other creative hobbies. I did extremely well the whole time my uncle lived here, late 2010-mid 2014, except for the last six months or so which were quite stressful. After he died I was never allowed to relax. My sisters were all over my case about everything. It seems that my projects take time I should supposedly spend on other things, money I shouldn't be spending, and are supposedly frivolous or of no value. So even as I go to start anything I feel it is all a waste before even starting. I've also been held up for about a year as all last winter was so cold and raw and I was so nervous I bit my fingers, so my hands were continually bleeding and couldn't do what I had planned over the winter. It rained well into late spring, and as soon as I got a few obligations out of the way (two of which were funerals for the mothers of close friends) it turned so hot that even if I tried to do projects, I was worn out just setting up for them and very little has gotten done. What's more some of the projects I need some help and everyone capable of doing such things is retired, dead, crooked, questionable, or unreachable. My sister says she'll have a friend help but I have some doubts. He lives out of state so even getting here will be a problem, then if he does we may not see eye to eye. The worst is, my sister wants me to write up a list of what needs doing and I know I'll go to all that work just to have her poke it full of holes and say my ideas are unnecessary or stupid, which will spoil even my anticipation of planning to improve things and then carrying through on the plans, which is the only thing which has been keeping me going for years, particularly since Ray Bradbury passed away. I guess it's my sisters thinking I am not even good enough to have good ideas, or to enjoy the results of my own plans and efforts, that's got me down. The things I do which really need doing, are not appreciated, and I can't do things to please myself, as I feel tired from doing all these other things plus knowing my sisters are all ready to run down everything I try anyway. It's absolutely unnecessary as they are successful professionals and everyone knows it. They don't have to make me look or feel bad to build themselves up. Right now I picture my life as just sitting staring out a window for 30 or 40 years waiting to die as every move I make in any direction is either too little, not good enough, or the wrong thing. Thanks for your concerns.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

CoriSCapnSkip - You already have produced something great-- YOU! You are a productive member of the SKMB. Your input here is valued. Life is not measures on Proceeds- wealth. The only person in your life that you have control over is yourself. Let others think as they will. Here, on this MB, you are special. You are one of the Ka-Tet. You have this family!
I'll pass on the old saying once again: "Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change." There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.

It's all a state of mind and that is a lot of the issue. I've lost things I actually did have (that is, Ray Bradbury and other people). I've lost the concept of having things I thought I had, that is, talent and purpose. (Even more worrying, perhaps they do exist and it's a matter of accessing them. It would be very bad to give up if all that good stuff is indeed hidden or buried and it's simply a matter of reaching it. Stephen King has said the best in writing is a feeling of unearthing something which already existed. 100% correct!) What's really worrying is my sisters see me not as a valuable and creative person but as some sort of potentially negative force which needs to be brought into and held in check. They tell me I have to "cooperate" and follow some rules. I told them I rejected their rules in the past and very clearly stated I didn't agree with them. If I am forced into going along with things I oppose does not mean I agree with them, any more than a person in prison is "agreeing" to be there. They are there because they were placed there--rightly convicted or not! That is all the agreement they are going to get! Take it or leave it!

My main problem is I feel a combination of helpless, frightened, and betrayed. Remember the scene in The Shining where the old elevator did not work properly? Danny saw it and realized the world was not as safe as he had been led to believe. Now, that is a sort of betrayal. Being young and helpless (as Wendy observed, children were sort of yanked about in situations they didn't choose to be in), being frightened (rightly, that something bad might happen) and being betrayed by one's own suppositions, having supposed that elevators and things will be kept in working order when they aren't necessarily always.

 

[Dana Jean]

Actually, I had not seen any of that as I don't look at that board. All the greetings were thoughtful and some extremely clever. Apparently someone took a picture of me off Facebook and Photoshopped it alongside one of Ray Bradbury!

Okay, that shows you something right there. This little happy surprise had been sitting there waiting for you, and the fact you didn't see it tells me you are shuffling through life looking at your feet. Only hearing and seeing the negative. You need to choose to lift your head and look around! See past the negative to the happy surprises just waiting for you to discover them.

Be ready for opportunities to be fully present and an active participant in your own life.

Look up and look around!

 

[fljoe0]

I got a notice calling me for jury duty.

 

[DiO'Bolic]

I got a notice calling me for jury duty.

It is so hard getting out of jury duty these days. If they paid more than $2 a day I’m sure more people would be willing to serve. But with so many people living paycheck to paycheck is it no wonder why people try to get out of this civic duty.

I once was on jury duty and was the jury foreman. I thought now I had a permanent excuse from jury duty for medical reasons, but was called for jury duty last year. I contacted the county office and informed them I was exempt. They said two years ago they threw everything out and didn’t bother to record anything like exemptions from jury duty... and I would need to go through the process all over again. I said I was not going to do that unless the county pays for it. That I should not have to expend that money again because of their negligence. The clerk said I would then need to serve on jury duty. I said I would show up. And whey they ask if for any reason why someone can’t fulfill the duties of being on the jury, I would tell the judge about the counties negligence. A week later I received notice saying I didn’t have to serve on jury duty.

 

[fljoe0]

It is so hard getting out of jury duty these days. If they paid more than $2 a day I’m sure more people would be willing to serve. But with so many people living paycheck to paycheck is it no wonder why people try to get out of this civic duty.

I once was on jury duty and was the jury foreman. I thought now I had a permanent excuse from jury duty for medical reasons, but was called for jury duty last year. I contacted the county office and informed them I was exempt. They said two years ago they threw everything out and didn’t bother to record anything like exemptions from jury duty... and I would need to go through the process all over again. I said I was not going to do that unless the county pays for it. That I should not have to expend that money again because of their negligence. The clerk said I would then need to serve on jury duty. I said I would show up. And whey they ask if for any reason why someone can’t fulfill the duties of being on the jury, I would tell the judge about the counties negligence. A week later I received notice saying I didn’t have to serve on jury duty.

At least now in my county, you can call a number before you go to see if you're still needed. That's better than the old way of going to the courthouse and sitting around all day and then be told you're not needed.

 

[cat in a bag]

At least now in my county, you can call a number before you go to see if you're still needed. That's better than the old way of going to the courthouse and sitting around all day and then be told you're not needed.

Just don't forget! Scott forgot to call the number once and he got a frantic call on the radio from the guard at work. The courthouse had called and said Scott had 30 minutes to show up or they were sending deputies after him.

 

[GNTLGNT]

...I work in the media and at a prison, I usually have no problem being exempted....

 

[fljoe0]

Just don't forget! Scott forgot to call the number once and he got a frantic call on the radio from the guard at work. The courthouse had called and said Scott had 30 minutes to show up or they were sending deputies after him.

And I will have to remember to leave my pocket knife in my vehicle and not go through courthouse security with it. I don't want to get out of jury duty that way.

I bought this new Kershaw folding knife and it's kind of big and there's a lever that quickly releases the blade. I just considered it a pocket knife and didn't give it a second thought until I was looking at it one day and thinking, could this be considered a concealed weapon? I looked up the Florida laws on the internet and this knife is kind of on the border of pocket knife or weapon but the Florida laws are very murky and even vary from county to county. It's actually easier for me to carry a gun around. Anyway, I think it's a pocket knife but I really don't want to test it at courthouse security.

 

[do1you9love?]

And I will have to remember to leave my pocket knife in my vehicle and not go through courthouse security with it. I don't want to get out of jury duty that way.

I bought this new Kershaw folding knife and it's kind of big and there's a lever that quickly releases the blade. I just considered it a pocket knife and didn't give it a second thought until I was looking at it one day and thinking, could this be considered a concealed weapon? I looked up the Florida laws on the internet and this knife is kind of on the border of pocket knife or weapon but the Florida laws are very murky and even vary from county to county. It's actually easier for me to carry a gun around. Anyway, I think it's a pocket knife but I really don't want to test it at courthouse security.

Good plan!

 

[cat in a bag]

And I will have to remember to leave my pocket knife in my vehicle and not go through courthouse security with it. I don't want to get out of jury duty that way.

I bought this new Kershaw folding knife and it's kind of big and there's a lever that quickly releases the blade. I just considered it a pocket knife and didn't give it a second thought until I was looking at it one day and thinking, could this be considered a concealed weapon? I looked up the Florida laws on the internet and this knife is kind of on the border of pocket knife or weapon but the Florida laws are very murky and even vary from county to county. It's actually easier for me to carry a gun around. Anyway, I think it's a pocket knife but I really don't want to test it at courthouse security.

You could say you were just testing the system.

Yep, better to leave it outside in your vehicle!

 

[GNTLGNT]

And I will have to remember to leave my pocket knife in my vehicle and not go through courthouse security with it. I don't want to get out of jury duty that way.

I bought this new Kershaw folding knife and it's kind of big and there's a lever that quickly releases the blade. I just considered it a pocket knife and didn't give it a second thought until I was looking at it one day and thinking, could this be considered a concealed weapon? I looked up the Florida laws on the internet and this knife is kind of on the border of pocket knife or weapon but the Florida laws are very murky and even vary from county to county. It's actually easier for me to carry a gun around. Anyway, I think it's a pocket knife but I really don't want to test it at courthouse security.

...cops around here, treat large folders with the "flip switch" as a CW.....and leaving it in your vehicle?.....just make sure it's in the glove box or center console....

 

[Baby Blue]

I tried reintroducing eggs again yesterday and was up half the night in terrible pain so I have definitively proved that I have developed an egg allergy. Hopefully, I'll eventually get over it and won;t be stuck with it forever. I don't eat land animals so eggs represented a good chunk of my protein. This is a devastating blow. I haven't reintroduced soy yet but that's coming next week and I'm crossing all of my fingers and toes that I don't have an issue with it because I definitely need to keep that protein source now.

 

[do1you9love?]

I tried reintroducing eggs again yesterday and was up half the night in terrible pain so I have definitively proved that I have developed an egg allergy. Hopefully, I'll eventually get over it and won;t be stuck with it forever. I don't eat land animals so eggs represented a good chunk of my protein. This is a devastating blow. I haven't reintroduced soy yet but that's coming next week and I'm crossing all of my fingers and toes that I don't have an issue with it because I definitely need to keep that protein source now.

That sucks! Hope you get some relief!

 

[Neesy]

I tried reintroducing eggs again yesterday and was up half the night in terrible pain so I have definitively proved that I have developed an egg allergy. Hopefully, I'll eventually get over it and won;t be stuck with it forever. I don't eat land animals so eggs represented a good chunk of my protein. This is a devastating blow. I haven't reintroduced soy yet but that's coming next week and I'm crossing all of my fingers and toes that I don't have an issue with it because I definitely need to keep that protein source now.

Sorry to hear this too.

Have you tried chocolate eggs?

But seriously, food allergies must be awful - sorry to hear of your pain and good luck with the elimination diet!

 

[Baby Blue]

Sorry to hear this too.

Have you tried chocolate eggs?

But seriously, food allergies must be awful - sorry to hear of your pain and good luck with the elimination diet!

HAHA! Not yet but reintroducing chocolate is pretty high on my priority list. I want coffee, chocolate, and sugar back ASAP so I can have mochas again. I like tea but it is no substitute for a good mocha.

And thank you. It's not an easy process but it is a necessary one so I will have the information I need to feel better.

 

[Neesy]

HAHA! Not yet but reintroducing chocolate is pretty high on my priority list. I want coffee, chocolate, and sugar back ASAP so I can have mochas again. I like tea but it is no substitute for a good mocha.

And thank you. It's not an easy process but it is a necessary one so I will have the information I need to feel better.

I cut out caffeinated coffee (used to drink quite a bit) and now I get less anxiety, less heartburn and I am not always running to the bathroom.

 

[doowopgirl]

I got a notice calling me for jury duty.

OHHHH! I have done this and NOT liked it. I resented giving up my time to a miscreant who was clearly guilty

 

[Baby Blue]

I cut out caffeinated coffee (used to drink quite a bit) and now I get less anxiety, less heartburn and I am not always running to the bathroom.

I'm glad that's working well for you! Giving up coffee (or caffeine) is not something I see myself ever doing long term. That would crush my soul. Probably turn me to a life of booze, crime, and hard drugs.