Who Are You? Really.....

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do1you9love?

Happy to be here!
Feb 18, 2012
9,284
70,566
Virginia
Interesting topic. My daughter went through a phase at 9 where she apologized for everything! It was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" all day long. When it's said that way, it tends to lose it's affect, so we worked to break that habit. Apologies can be powerful if they are meant, but when it's just words, it is meaningless.

So... I'm a bit shy on the internet, so only vague details here. I am in my early 40s, married for almost 20 years and have a daughter (human) and a son (hound dog). I work with data all day long and read most every time else. Not unusual to have several books going at any given time. I first read Stephen King at 13 with 'Salem's Lot, then Pet Semetary. Pet Semetary scared the crap out of me and I slept with my full room light on for a week, but I was hooked just the same. Never looked back.

This board is hands down the best chat board I have ever belonged to. I think the Mods help keep us calm, but also the people for the most part are just good, kind folks. Guess I'm feeling sentimental 'cause we're near the holidays. ((((SKMB))))
 

mjs9153

Peripherally known member..
Nov 21, 2014
3,494
22,165
th
 

blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
Interesting topic. My daughter went through a phase at 9 where she apologized for everything! It was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" all day long. When it's said that way, it tends to lose it's affect, so we worked to break that habit. Apologies can be powerful if they are meant, but when it's just words, it is meaningless.
Insincere = worthless.

...Not unusual to have several books going at any given time...
You can always tell an addict.

This board is hands down the best chat board I have ever belonged to. I think the Mods help keep us calm...
Taskmaster = calmness.
 

Todash

Free spirit. Curly girl. Cookie eater. Proud SJW.
Aug 19, 2006
8,293
5,621
52
Kansas City
I agree, and as far as I can figure what other choice do we have at those times but to apologize hoping against hope for some level of forgiveness?
The best apology I ever got was from my husband. Interestingly, he clearly had no expectation of forgiveness; it wasn't even in his mind at the time. It was just "I thought I wasn't doing this, but I was, and I just realized, and I am so, so sorry, and I will never do it again." That apology is why we are still married—a big part of it, anyway.

Apologies are powerful. So is forgiveness.
 

morgan

Well-Known Member
Jul 11, 2010
29,353
104,579
North Dakota
That's what friends and loved ones and perfect strangers have always told me. I believe it's partly a temperament thing. You might be of a melancholic temperament like I am. Melancholics take the weight of the world on their shoulders, are perfectionists, have the highest standards of any humans, and live extra stressfully consequently.
My mom has had a copy of this personality/temperament test for YEARS! I'm almost 100% melancholy! :(
 

Todash

Free spirit. Curly girl. Cookie eater. Proud SJW.
Aug 19, 2006
8,293
5,621
52
Kansas City
My mom has had a copy of this personality/temperament test for YEARS! I'm almost 100% melancholy! :(
Did you know that research shows we can change our happiness level by about 40%? Base personality, no ... but we are all human and thus have more in common than not (kinda like dog breeds ... they're all dogs and very genetically similar). So the same things make most people happier. Like any habit change, tackling them all at once isn't likely to work, but maybe pick a few that sound the best to you and work on baby steps for those? 10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science | Belle Beth Cooper
 

Todash

Free spirit. Curly girl. Cookie eater. Proud SJW.
Aug 19, 2006
8,293
5,621
52
Kansas City
My partner says this a lot and I think...
he thinks it means that he never has to say sorry for the things he shouldn't do.
That would be so irritating. But I have to admit that when I read this, I heard my therapist Mike talking. (I love Mike; he's awesome. I should totally make a check-in appointment.) Anyway, Mike would say "the only things we have to do are change and die. Everything else is a choice." He also would say, when I said I "should" do something, "Why should you?" While this sounds selfish, at first glance, it's amazing how much more grown up I became when I realized that I didn't actually have to do any of the stuff I thought I had to do, but instead, I could choose to want to do those things because they supported the type of person I wanted to be. It is SO much easier for me to clean the kitchen if I don't tell myself I have to do it—although that is an old habit that isn't completely dead—but instead say to myself "I want to clean the kitchen so that when I wake up tomorrow, it's not a mess staring me in the face, and I can make my coffee and relax for a few minutes." That mindset somehow also made it much easier for me to just ask my husband for help ("Hey, can you help me fold and put away these clothes real quick?") than to be a martyr. I used to be really good at martyrdom and passive-aggressiveness. Probably could have taught a class.

Sometimes it's true that I don't want to clean the kitchen. So ... I don't. And the world doesn't end.
 

Demeter

Well-Known Member
Apr 23, 2008
538
1,424
That would be so irritating. But I have to admit that when I read this, I heard my therapist Mike talking. (I love Mike; he's awesome. I should totally make a check-in appointment.) Anyway, Mike would say "the only things we have to do are change and die. Everything else is a choice." He also would say, when I said I "should" do something, "Why should you?" While this sounds selfish, at first glance, it's amazing how much more grown up I became when I realized that I didn't actually have to do any of the stuff I thought I had to do, but instead, I could choose to want to do those things because they supported the type of person I wanted to be. It is SO much easier for me to clean the kitchen if I don't tell myself I have to do it—although that is an old habit that isn't completely dead—but instead say to myself "I want to clean the kitchen so that when I wake up tomorrow, it's not a mess staring me in the face, and I can make my coffee and relax for a few minutes." That mindset somehow also made it much easier for me to just ask my husband for help ("Hey, can you help me fold and put away these clothes real quick?") than to be a martyr. I used to be really good at martyrdom and passive-aggressiveness. Probably could have taught a class.

Sometimes it's true that I don't want to clean the kitchen. So ... I don't. And the world doesn't end.

I tell myself house cleaning = exercise. It works most of the time, especially when I have some music in the background.
 

blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
The best apology I ever got was from my husband. Interestingly, he clearly had no expectation of forgiveness; it wasn't even in his mind at the time. It was just "I thought I wasn't doing this, but I was, and I just realized, and I am so, so sorry, and I will never do it again." That apology is why we are still married—a big part of it, anyway.

Apologies are powerful. So is forgiveness.
I live on forgiveness, and am learning how to apologize and mean it.