I was online in a store with polished wood floors and i was wearing rubber soled rain boots, i got so bored of just standing there that i adjusted my stance and slid my foot forward and my boot emitted a rather loud "FFFFFFwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwttttt!"
A bunch of people turned to look at me in disgust.... my giggling fit only seemed to indict me further.
One time at work, while playing cash jockey (register shift), I asked a customer if I could "grab his sack" for him. The look on his face was priceless, so was his response, but I thought I'd die of embarrassment.
This is the one I'm probably the most ashamed about.
Happened on 29 APR 78, The Last Voyage...the day we decommissioned the U.S.S. John S. McCain...and the future senator was attending the event. About a week prior, we had an inspection, dress whites, and after the inspection, I along with three other McCain sailors were chosen to be members of the color guard during the decommissioning ceremony, one other white guy and two black sailors. The ship had been emptied of almost everything and she was going to be towed up to Bremerton, scrapped, and made into razor blades. All of the signal flags were flying from lines from the mast to the fo'c'sle to the fantail, along with the national ensign (that's the red white and blue) from the mast. Ships' crew, all in dress whites, lined the weather-deck on the quay-wall side between piers three and four at the 32nd Street Naval Station in San Diego. The four members of the color guard stood around at the back of the assembling crowd--mostly officers, a lot of gold bars, scrambled eggs (on the brim of their hats), and wives and children...probably about a hundred or better, seated before a podium where speeches would be given.
Some lieutenant j.g...I forget his name...looked us over and selected me from the four, designating me as the carrier of our national ensign, since I was the tallest. The other white guy, a radioman, carried some other flag...I forget which...and the two black sailors carried some kind of rifle. One of them called cadence as we formed a line and "marched" toward the podium, separated into pairs, and took positions on either side of the stage. I'd read John G. Hubbell's, P.O.W. while attending radar school (Oswald was a radar operator, too...oh la)...so I was familiar with the story of John S. McCain, although I had no idea which one of the members of the audience he was...only that he was "retired"...whatever that meant.
We listened to some admiral berate Jimmy Carter for giving away the Panama Canal...there were some other words spoken...and then the color guard "marched" forward, everyone standing...and I wish I could tell you if they were all saluting the national ensign as I carried it past...but as we're making out way up the space between two groupings of standing guests...one guy had this weird look on his face...and the gawd's awful truth is that I've seen that same expression...in these rather unflattering photos of Senator McCain, one where he is squinting (kind of) and holding out one hand, claw-like?
After it was all said and done...as we are beginning to depart, Hopi (that's Petty Officer First Class Hopi...from Ops Division, my division) walks over to me. Hope is built like the proverbial fireplug, he's one pay grade below chief, and chiefs make the world run. But not without men like Hopi. Anyway, Hopi takes me by the arm and asks me in a quiet voice,
"Did you know you can see your tube socks through your uniform?"
"Oh, gee!" I say, looking down at my legs...when they say uniform, they mean exactly that. Uniform means black socks...though one could wear any manner of sock as long as a black sock is the outermost sock. I wore tube socks under my black "silky" socks...anyone remember tube socks? Mine had three bands of red at the top. No wonder that admiral was pizzed at Jimmy Carter...did he say something about future generations? Then Hopi nods, points, doesn't say a word...but he was pointing higher. He handed me my orders to a ship in San Francisco and turned and I never saw him again. I bent my neck to look where Hopi had pointed.
The cream was
you could also see my red bikini underwear through my dress white pants. After boot camp, you could wear whatever underwear you wanted. Heh!
And I will never know if that man cringing in the aisle was a future contender for the presidency...what with all those butterflies in my stomach...but maybe...maybe that was the event that set the course we are on today. Or not. Either way.
Thought this one would be fitting for Veteran's Day. Heh! And #19, to boot!
I'm not surprised that you were in the Navy. I was a six year sailor in the late 70's. Spent most of my time in Holy Loch Scotland. Once, I was in an admirals inspection at Mare Island Nuclear training center. The admiral got to me and stopped. Of course I was at attention and not looking around. He simply said, "smile". Now I'm sure you can remember the jokes about if an admiral tells you to jump you hollar,"how high, sir" or something like that. Anyway, smile?!?!?!? What was I supposed to do? A second went by and then I put on a big toothy grin. The admiral burst out laughing then took the hat off of my head. He showed me where the hat band wasn't completely covering the webbing at the base of my cover. He said, "that's a smile". I said, "yes sir"! He proceeded on but I couldn't quite get my own smile to go away.
Walter Ooblecks was pretty bad/good but this one really hurts. 1971, high School,warm outside. I'm an introvert and a bit shy around females. I'm an INTP for those of you into Jungian theory. Hormones roaring and longings that absolutely ached. It was a few hours yet before the big game and there were some of the students lounging around the grounds. I'm walking across the lawn and spy 2 female students sitting on a quilt. I had noticed them before of course. Both were very pretty but never seemed to be the competitive female types. I would have jumped at the chance to be with either of them. They noticed me and started waving and calling me over. They asked me to sit with them. All of which was strange to me because people didn't usually get to close. Anyway, they were both either in gymnastics or cheerleaders. As we talked they were streatching this way and that way in ways that were pretty exciting to me. Then they grabbed their heels and straitened their legs and said, "try this Dan"! I said, " OH NO I can't do that". "Oh, come on, just try it". So I grabbed my heel, tried to straiten my leg and then,,,,,,,,I ripped a big cloud of methane that seemed to engulf the three of us all at once. Talk about mortified! The look on their faces was awfull. I got up and walked away. My face must have been so red that It was in danger of bleeding.
Walter Ooblecks was pretty bad/good but this one really hurts. 1971, high School,warm outside. I'm an introvert and a bit shy around females. I'm an INTP for those of you into Jungian theory. Hormones roaring and longings that absolutely ached. It was a few hours yet before the big game and there were some of the students lounging around the grounds. I'm walking across the lawn and spy 2 female students sitting on a quilt. I had noticed them before of course. Both were very pretty but never seemed to be the competitive female types. I would have jumped at the chance to be with either of them. They noticed me and started waving and calling me over. They asked me to sit with them. All of which was strange to me because people didn't usually get to close. Anyway, they were both either in gymnastics or cheerleaders. As we talked they were streatching this way and that way in ways that were pretty exciting to me. Then they grabbed their heels and straitened their legs and said, "try this Dan"! I said, " OH NO I can't do that". "Oh, come on, just try it". So I grabbed my heel, tried to straiten my leg and then,,,,,,,,I ripped a big cloud of methane that seemed to engulf the three of us all at once. Talk about mortified! The look on their faces was awfull. I got up and walked away. My face must have been so red that It was in danger of bleeding.
Kids never get embarrassed, hey? Why is that? Or almost never. There was this once...way back in kindergarten...Mrs. Connelly was the teacher, old gray-haired lady, wore stout brogans and dresses and combat nylons. We had this parents day or something...and I was one of Mary's little sheep. Had to crawl around in my snow pants swishing on the hardwood...that made me feel foolish...that and reading the Dick & Jane primers. But there was one situation that looking back now, I realize I should have been ashamed...I should have hung my head and cried. ..but I didn't.
Parents day...you got your parents sitting in chairs off to the side, close, watching events transpire. Mrs. Connelly has us take out our box of letters. We had these cardboard boxes maybe an inch deep, maybe 4x8 inches, full of thin pieces of cardboard with the letters of the alphabet on them. We were instructed to lay out the alphabet on our desk. These mothers sitting next to me thought I was amusing when I got stumped at the letter "j"...or thereabouts...had a kind of block. Happens to the best of people. So...I turn in my seat and look at Sandy Johnson's desktop...she has the alphabet done and she's arranging another section, this time going from "z" to "a". First look didn't help much...probably this inner voice that was telling me that I was committing a "no-no". Anyway, it's "j-k-l" in case you're ever stumped and Sandy isn't around. I probably should feel more shame about this...but I don't. Probably because I never did get a good read on her list...what with those mothers trying not to laugh.
One time at work, while playing cash jockey (register shift), I asked a customer if I could "grab his sack" for him. The look on his face was priceless, so was his response, but I thought I'd die of embarrassment.
I was online in a store with polished wood floors and i was wearing rubber soled rain boots, i got so bored of just standing there that i adjusted my stance and slid my foot forward and my boot emitted a rather loud "FFFFFFwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwttttt!"
A bunch of people turned to look at me in disgust.... my giggling fit only seemed to indict me further.
I missed this earlier... you were "online" in a store with polished wood floors... I need to upgrade my net service because yours seems so much more real!
I missed this earlier... you were "online" in a store with polished wood floors... I need to upgrade my net service because yours seems so much more real!
I missed this earlier... you were "online" in a store with polished wood floors... I need to upgrade my net service because yours seems so much more real!
I was online in a store with polished wood floors and i was wearing rubber soled rain boots, i got so bored of just standing there that i adjusted my stance and slid my foot forward and my boot emitted a rather loud "FFFFFFwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwttttt!"
A bunch of people turned to look at me in disgust.... my giggling fit only seemed to indict me further.
Haha, of course it is (and he has a great one)! I don't understand these feelings myself, but the heart wants what the heart wants...or what the brain wants? I don't know.
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I need to upgrade my net service because yours seems so much more real! 
I am honoured! Seriously! 
I am, really! 