Madam!
I can't help myself Flake, I'm a pervert-ette!
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I can't help myself Flake, I'm a pervert-ette!
He could have a big nose . . .
I didn't think of that either..... gutter = I'm there.
Oh . . .that would be extra, extra . . .
Oh my . . .
Ayuh... otherwise, I was thinking contortionist... or really tall. Or, Hobbit house maybe? (Short doors?)Oh . . .that would be extra, extra . . .
Oh my . . .
I need to get out more.
*Warning... depending on your accent, the following video could be construed as being a bit rude.
A friend left this for me on my FB page:
(A spoiler won't help, but...)
Ha-ha Flake, what a great video! I do so love a man who knows how to take care of his 'deck!'
A Different Thanksgiving?
Imagine... if the Pilgrim Fathers had shot a Bobcat instead of a Turkey....
Imagine... if the Pilgrim Fathers had shot a Bobcat instead of a Turkey....
we'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
40 years of marriage
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment.......'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof!................
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment.......'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof!................
The husband became 92 years old!
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female !!
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female !!
One for the girls Dana Jean !!
How did someone so optimistic get to hell? I love him.
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered
'Is that one word or two?'
9 seconds...makes me giggle everytime.
(I bet the other half would be paranoid as hell to read THAT!)
Two friends happened to meet and one said to the other, "Jeez charlie,how did you get two black eyes?" Charlie says, "I was in church and when we stood up to sing I notice the fat lady in front of me had her dress crammed deep into her butt cheeks. I figured if she knew about it she would be embarassed so I kinda reached over and pulled it out. Well, she spun around and punched me in my eye." The friend said,"but how did you get the second black eye?" "Well I felt so bad about getting her upset that I reached out and tucked it back in!"
Neesy
#1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think that a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think that a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
"What on earth is that counting?" my friend Tony asked, as we passed a High Security Mental Health unit in Greater London.
I could hear it too...
"17...17 ...17...17...17..."
Tony was too curious to resist, he rushed at the fence and tried to jump and see over it but it was much too high. So he found a small hole in the wooden panels and looked through it...
He jumped back clutching his face in agony, and cried out..
I could hear it too...
"17...17 ...17...17...17..."
Tony was too curious to resist, he rushed at the fence and tried to jump and see over it but it was much too high. So he found a small hole in the wooden panels and looked through it...
He jumped back clutching his face in agony, and cried out..
"Some bastard's poked me in the eye with a sharp stick!"
"18...18...18...18...18..." the counting continued from the other side of the fence...
"18...18...18...18...18..." the counting continued from the other side of the fence...
A Sadist and a Masochist meet in a disreputable bar.
They are immediately drawn to each other and decide to go to a nearby rather expensive Motel.
They undress, and re-dress in kinky clothing of their preference.
The Masochist says in a luxuriating slow purrr...
"Are ....you.. going to whip.. me...?
They are immediately drawn to each other and decide to go to a nearby rather expensive Motel.
They undress, and re-dress in kinky clothing of their preference.
The Masochist says in a luxuriating slow purrr...
"Are ....you.. going to whip.. me...?
To which the Sadist smiles cruelly and says,
"....Noooo."
"....Noooo."