COMMENTS FOR HALLOWEEN STORY 2016

[Nomik]

Shoe salesman's part brought what we've been lacking so far a little bit: emotional voice; the world of academia is calling it pathos now. He also launched the story into the literary realm by adding allusion, organically. He was not the only one to do this, I just want him to return to the thread.
The OP (Leif) of the following illustrates a perfect example:

Spoiler

Chris watched in disbelief as the bunker started to come apart at the seams. It didn’t unfold as much as it unfurled, concrete and conduit-piping rippling apart like they’d been drawn on a canvas of stilled water. The guns, cot and bucket melded into slivers of deep-red before disappearing completely. Everything came apart and bled together until it was too nauseating to watch.

Yeats esque
With an O so zombie like twist
Chinua Achebe grabbed that line
(without contacting Yeats for permission I'm sure)
Used it for a title.
Allusion once more

My predilection for this section was in part, because experience with fatal asthma attacks immediately established a personal connection with Rachel. Some writers do that well.

 

[Nomik]

Thanks! Yes. I take photos of the sunrise while I'm fishing. I have many. Every day is different.

pink sky at night, sailor's delight. Pink sky by morning, sailors heed warning. . . My dad was fond of saying this before any fishing trip. I've always felt that I had to do with the weather… hurricanes and such. What do you know about that? It's a great picture!

 

[GNTLGNT]

....Shooooooooooooe!!!!!!!!!!......

 

[FlakeNoir]

I really enjoyed your part to the story Shoesalesman and ended up taking a lot of inspiration from your addition when it came to be my turn. Excellent job!

 

[not_nadine]

Yay Shoesalesman!! Great job.

 

[Rrty]

Didn't realize this would be up today; could have sworn the next chapter was coming on Wednesday.

But that's okay, it is a pleasant surprise. Shoesalesman wrote a great piece with one of my favorite devices: exposition via dialogue. I wrote a story that was just about all dialogue, and I'll tell you this, it may seem easy, but it is not. Thoroughly loved all the new stuff we learned. I cannot wait until we find out more. Nebiros is a mysterious character/concept, and it is extremely entertaining. This is turning out to be more than a story; it's got the feel of a mythology, a universe. Thanks, Shoesalesman.

 

[Nomik]

If I recall correctly, Dana was planning to move up the dates in order for the completion to occur before the 31st. I could be wrong, don't quote me on that.

 

[Spideyman]

Didn't realize this would be up today; could have sworn the next chapter was coming on Wednesday.

But that's okay, it is a pleasant surprise. Shoesalesman wrote a great piece with one of my favorite devices: exposition via dialogue. I wrote a story that was just about all dialogue, and I'll tell you this, it may seem easy, but it is not. Thoroughly loved all the new stuff we learned. I cannot wait until we find out more. Nebiros is a mysterious character/concept, and it is extremely entertaining. This is turning out to be more than a story; it's got the feel of a mythology, a universe. Thanks, Shoesalesman.

Rrty Dana Jean placed an announcement within this thread on Saturday. A special "treat" was coming on Tuesday.

The normal schedule of Monday, Wednesday, Friday will resume tomorrow.

Spoiler: announcement

Just a heads up for those following the Halloween story this year.

Instead of 3 parts this next week, there will be 4 -- Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, to allow us to finish on the 31st.

Thank you to everyone taking the time to be kind and thoughtful with comments for our writers.

For your generous encouragement and pats on the back, thank you.


Dana Jean, Saturday at 2:40 PMReport
#203Unlike+ QuoteReply

 

[Demeter]

Garriga, your part was short but sweet. I laughed out loud at the end. Clever girl, Lucy.

Shoesalesman, great job! Now that's when things started to get a bit SF, I mean rippling concrete and all that. I thought Rachel was some sort of zombie herself, maybe one with more self restraint but an even more devious plan, come to ruin their plans from the inside.

 

[Ebdim9th]

Magic was free, but the globe-trotters would do anything to possess it, the carrot on the string, the tattoo, the Rough Beast as hidden pro/antagonist, there was a lot crammed into Garriga's part....

And yes, Shoesalesman's description of moving through the realms was definitely a high-point in the telling of the process through which such traveling was being done. The bunker rebounding and returning to form, like a funhouse mirror where you step close and your image sandwiches together and when you step back it pops back out, a pucker in time-space spitting objects back where they belong. It does inspire new directions, that the story could have and/or did go in .....

 

[Nomik]

. . .Eb, were you going to continue that thought? I was following right along and then . . .

 

[Mr Nobody]

pink sky at night, sailor's delight. Pink sky by morning, sailors heed warning. . . My dad was fond of saying this before any fishing trip. I've always felt that I had to do with the weather… hurricanes and such. What do you know about that? It's a great picture!

Me, I say "Red sky at night, your barn's on fire. Red sky in the morning, you were storing petrol in it".
(Here, the actual expression is "Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning" - though there are variations.)

(Sullying the thread, I know. Am I bovvered? Am I, though? Does this face look bovvered to you? )
Actual response to the story posts forthcoming.

 

[Nomik]

Me, I say "Red sky at night, your barn's on fire. Red sky in the morning, you were storing petrol in it".
(Here, the actual expression is "Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning" - though there are variations.)

(Sullying the thread, I know. Am I bovvered? Am I, though? Does this face look bovvered to you? )
Actual response to the story posts forthcoming.

I hope that was a reference to shepherds pie

 

[Neesy]

Shoesalesman - Alice would be proud!

 

[no bounce no play]

The bunker rebounding and returning to form, like a funhouse mirror where you step close and your image sandwiches together and when you step back it pops back out, a pucker in time-space spitting objects back where they belong

I love your imaginative analogies

 

[Haunted]

Tery! You really enlarged the 'ooooooooo' atmosphere of this wonderful story. Wow Wow Wow. We have met new characters and seen characters we know grow. I think this might be one of the best of the Halloween stories yet! THANKS!

 

[king family fan]

Great job Tery.

 

[do1you9love?]

Shoesalesman - Fantastic addition! Rachel is much more than she seems.

Tery - Love the voice of Nebiros! Isn't it always a God just toying with us mortals?

Love this you guys! So digging the story this year! Can't wait til the next installment!!

 

[Leif]

The 2016 Halloween Story will be coming to you all soon. I will be posting the parts starting on October 3rd. They will be posted every other day, no weekends.

Please remember, this years' story went back to its beginning roots. A fast and dirty way of getting our tale told.



We had writers from coast to coast and from the top to bottom of the United States. We also had: Canada, New Zealand, Thailand, Germany and Sweden represented. Which means you WILL see different voices, different writing styles -- and they were left that way on purpose.

They had very little time to do their part, which means very little time to mess with it.

We think it's pretty fun. We hope you all enjoy it too.

Any positive comments you would like to add for our writers may be placed here.

Thanks.

Just wanted to revisit this initial post by Dana. The amazing thing is as mentioned above, we all went into the story blind, we had no idea what it would be about, there was no discussion, no outlines, no huge editing. What you see is the author's words.

I think is pretty cool how it came out so far and its great to see all the positive comments and discussion.

 

[Dana Jean]

Just wanted to revisit this initial post by Dana. The amazing thing is as mentioned above, we all went into the story blind, we had no idea what it would be about, there was no discussion, no outlines, no huge editing. What you see is the author's words.

I think is pretty cool how it came out so far and its great to see all the positive comments and discussion.

Yes, this was "writing with the door closed," and then we let everyone see what we came up with. I love this type of writing as it challenges everyone to be adaptable and fluid. Take what comes to you and make something fun from it.

And, I want to add, the recent stories in the past were amazing pieces. The editors at the helm did a fantastic job and were hardworking and attentive leaders.

This was just an homage to the roots of these stories.

When they first started, each writer had 200 -- 500 words and we got the piece of the story right before us in the morning, and we had to get our piece back into Marsha before she closed the board down for the day. Now that was really quick and dirty!