COMMENTS FOR HALLOWEEN STORY 2016

[do1you9love?]

Kurben - what can I say? You always make me forget that English is not your native language. You do such an amazing job of capturing dialogue and creating a scene. I, like others above, love the stop in the beauty of the forest that we just can't quite appreciate because, Hello? The world is about to end!! You are a brilliant writer and this was a solid stepping stone to our final chapter! Well done, my friend!!

 

[king family fan]

Great job kurben.

 

[no bounce no play]

Dang Kurben I never guessed you could write... I mean, I've always found your posts interesting but I never guessed you might be able to write interesting fiction y'know? Im curious... are you able to think in English? Anyhoo... you did good! I love how you put the characters on the path to figuring out how to save the world

Note: I tried saying "nebulous Nebiros" three times fast and couldn't do it

 

[Leif]

Kurben funneled everything down while setting up the ending. Nice writing! Great action scene with tid bit after tid bit of tasty little morsels to be consumed by the ending.

 

[Kurben]

Chapter 13 -- believe it or not, I have a slight case of triskaidekaphobia, but not this time around. This penultimate piece worked so well for me as a reader.

I thought the solution of the cell-phone-signal-boost was ingenious. I was trying to figure out how that element was going to be fleshed out, and I had some ideas in my head, but Kurben's choice was better than any of mine. I loved the almost staccato rhythm of the dialogue -- it denoted intense pace to me, and made me feel like I was in the feverish situation. Indeed, as I read this part, a storm in my area decided to increase its strength, and during a couple particular moments, I actually jumped slightly; it made me feel like someone -- like a zombie -- was going to be staring at me through the window! I was quite spooked, and rainstorms usually don't affect me like that -- unless, that is, I am reading something scary. Apocalypses actually do freak me out, as I always feel sympathy for those who are suffering such chaos (that's why it is sometimes difficult for me to watch The Walking Dead). And of course we had the nod to The Stand in there, with the superflu, which likewise brings back memories of that book (that tome had some surprisingly very scary moments in it; and I hate the flu, absolutely hate it).

I like the theory upon which the group is operating, and I cannot wait to see if it turns out to be the correct one. I won't mention anything specific, but I think one character has a lot riding on her in terms of the final outcome vis a vis Nebiros.

The fascinating thing about this chapter -- and I'm sure others noticed this -- is that there were many great lines. Here's probably my favorite pair:

"The bunker was situated in a beautiful forest glade but at the moment no one saw the beauty. When the world was at its dusk and humans struggled to survive, beauty was shown the door."

This is the kind of rough poetry (rough as in dark, scarred, in the literary sense) that works so well in a setting such as this. And it reminds me of a couple of moments in King's short apocalyptic piece, "Summer Thunder." If Kurben's obligation at this point wasn't to favor plot over observation, then one can only imagine the kind of scarred musings to which we would have been treated. But plot it is, and I loved it. Excellent chapter, Kurben.

(One last thing: I can't resist -- here is another line that impressed me: "I might not be grownup but I know more of Nebiros than any of you." I like the confidence in that.)

I will not be able to post the story at the usual time in the morning, so, I am posting

Kurben ... all kinds of awesome, balancing dialogue and description, plot-points and radio that does anything but handstands and beauty that's shown the door .....and there's more ... again, packed into limited space ... excellency ....

Kurben's part NOW!!!

Very nice lead-in to our last writer, Kurben. tightening the loose ends, well done!

I don't think I can follow that up adequately, but it doesn't hurt to try! That little slice of sensory heaven was the part that I wanted to to mention.
Kurben, I enjoyed that moment in the glade. I enjoyed watching the extra features on DVDs, and at some point, I started paying attention to cinematography and camera work.

Spoiler: Off topic

(One of my former students is a succesful camera guy; I know that he wouldn't have passed English because of his undiagnosed learning disability having to do with organizational skills. He excelled, and he's in the biz)

What does all of this needless prefacing have to do with Chapter thirteen?(ooh I just jumped writing the word and I DONT have triskaidekaphobia!)
I looked at this chapter through a lens, analogous to how I watch apocalyptic movies. I have the same kind of Anxiety watching The Walking Dead; the drama is so intense that we need the intimate moments, the monologues, the vignettes, and the scenery.

Your words shine, Kurben . You have brought new depth to major characters, added visual poetry, and left just enough threads hanging for the forthcoming conclusion. Excellent!

That's what I loved about chapter thirteen, Kurben.
Some people live from moment to moment, lapping up the joy and agony for the sheer pleasure of feeling life. I'm one those people, and this chapter was one of those moments.

Kurben I loved your piece to the story... and like some of the others, the following passage is my favourite.

"The bunker was situated in a beautiful forest glade but at the moment no one saw the beauty. When the world was at its dusk and humans struggled to survive, beauty was shown the door." ~ This was so uniquely you.

Kurben - what can I say? You always make me forget that English is not your native language. You do such an amazing job of capturing dialogue and creating a scene. I, like others above, love the stop in the beauty of the forest that we just can't quite appreciate because, Hello? The world is about to end!! You are a brilliant writer and this was a solid stepping stone to our final chapter! Well done, my friend!!

Great job kurben.

Dang Kurben I never guessed you could write... I mean, I've always found your posts interesting but I never guessed you might be able to write interesting fiction y'know? Im curious... are you able to think in English? Anyhoo... you did good! I love how you put the characters on the path to figuring out how to save the world

Note: I tried saying "nebulous Nebiros" three times fast and couldn't do it

Kurben funneled everything down while setting up the ending. Nice writing! Great action scene with tid bit after tid bit of tasty little morsels to be consumed by the ending.

Thanks everyone. It is nice to hear. Until i started participating in the stories here i had actually never written prose in english before but it seems to work well enough to read it at least. I think my reading so many books in english has made it easier for me to think and write in english. I got a lot of praise for my english while i was in the states. Now all we have to do is to wait for the End........

 

[Ebdim9th]

Spoiler: Twice deleted thought

Originally, I had the thought speaking of the apocalypse in mind, but I couldn't make it fit. I'm tired of thinking about it.

Don't know if I'm the only one who caught that, and I wasn't going to mention it. . . . Pinkerton Academy, the only publicly funded, privately operated high school serving Derry and the surrounding four or five towns, in reality. (Class of 94)

Au contraire, quite tasty, especially if you chew slowly (I've forgotten, what's that fancy shmancy word for "chew"? Not nibble - probably Greek in origin. Manje, no, machêr, mastiquere-you feel me? In English?)


So, I was looking through the comments and saw the one you replied to by Mary Strickland, and I have a question; what in the Sam Hill are magic pills and do they really arrive via email?
They didn't even hand out muses at my school. I'll admit, there are times when I'm writing with a pen and it feels like I'm channeling something. It's just my imagination and my love of literature.

Ah, but did they double as a detective agency? There used to be a Pinkerton Agency office here in Mobile, but it disappeared, or changed locations, or went to a universe next door, or something ......

 

[Ebdim9th]

Hey Kurben ,your writing is easy to compliment!

 

[Demeter]

Great job, Kurben! The magic is all in the dialogue.

 

[Demeter]

Ebdim9th and Nomik, thank you!

 

[Neesy]

Kurben - Wow - your English is outstanding! Hard to believe that Swedish is your native tongue

Thanks for that lead up to the conclusion - very much appreciated

 

[Shoesalesman]

Fantastic job, Kurben.

 

[Dana Jean]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN SKMB!

Last chapter of our Halloween Story up today.

Thank you to everyone who participated. And thank you to all the readers who stuck with the story and made such great and supportive comments. We appreciate you!

 

[Spideyman]

The SKMB Halloween Story 2016
GNTLGNT
Ebdim9th
niro
Nomik
Dana Jean
Leif
Garriga
Shoesalesman
Tery
FlakeNoir
mal
Demeter
Kurben
Leif

Thank you Dana Jean for being a great co ordinator.
The talents of the all the above writer have shown throughout in this back to basics story.

 

[Dana Jean]

THank you Spidey, for the support and ear throughout this process. And thank you for championing a look at our story roots.

I think each and every writer did a fantastic job.

 

[Dana Jean]

Leif, way to finish this off. And yes, you were my hero. You hit it out of the park!

 

[Spideyman]

Leif-- you are the dream-weaver, thread weaver, and wordslinger! Amazing how you managed to pickup every thread and weave it into a spectacular ending. The tapestry is complete. Magnificent job, Leif.

 

[king family fan]

Great ending Leif.

 

[Leif]

Leif, way to finish this off. And yes, you were my hero. You hit it out of the park!

Well, you just made my day. I'm smiling and that's a good thing. It was a pleasure writing with you and all the other wonderful writers. Thanks for giving me the opportunity.

 

[Dana Jean]

Well, you just made my day. I'm smiling and that's a good thing. It was a pleasure writing with you and all the other wonderful writers. Thanks for giving me the opportunity.

I am so tickled so many were willing to try this style of writing and just have fun with it. THank you for being a stand up man and doing the job.

 

[arista]

Leif thank you so much for ending a great story. Thanks so much to all who contributed to this story.