I Am Angry Today Because . . .

[CoriSCapnSkip]

Cori, the decorations are just an outward sign of holiday spirit. They're not as important as how you feel. But they do help get one into that spirit. Spidey has a good suggestion; church groups usually can help. Or call the city or county social services. They might know of a volunteer group.

I do understand not wanting to Christmas, though. (sorry ghost, it's become a verb) For the past few years, I just don't care about putting up a tree or decorating. Since Mom dies and my daughter is grown, it just seems... I dunno.... meh. I still get gifts for everyone -- I have a rep to uphold as the best gift-giver in the family -- and wrap them nicely (also a rep there) but the accouterments just fall flat for me.

It could have been a sign I was doing things all wrong. For one, elaborate crafts, well I enjoyed doing them and said I wanted to, but working on them was a way to keep my mind off *things*, and they were an attempt to sorta grab some good karma out of the atmosphere in case I was building up a lot of bad juju or something. Like if they turned out really neat I'd be pleased enough to pretend what I had done was important and I had a right to feel all right which I was raised not to believe.

Yes, a church group was my dream! They did wonderful things like build a ramp when my dad became disabled (the replacement of which I now use) and certainly when the previous pastor was terminally ill people provided food and other services. So far have really not heard from anyone, possibly a few of the people who posted on Facebook have attended church with me. (Now I am going all sheep and goats!) Going up and down the hospital halls, I thought how many times was my dad as a pastor here to visit patients (never mind how often he was one)! Incidentally, I have lived here for 46 years and have NEVER been a hospital patient either in Dayton or Walla Walla! Nor Kennewick either for that matter; the time I was burned I was treated in the ER and then released. Nor have I ever missed a Christmas Eve Service in Dayton. So I hope my procedure on the 17th allows me to leave the house!

Gifts, I used to stress over terribly. There was a beautiful store in town specializing in unique things, I loved the owners and tried to buy gifts there, but when they went out of business I basically said screw this. I buy Amazon gift cards for everybody. This year, though, I ACTUALLY thought of presents my sisters would like, I thought I'll order THEM at least anyway, but nothing now till I get home. Cards, I did before the internet, but I have maybe two friends now living who send cards. I do have a card for the daughter of a lady who passed away over the summer who used to send cards. Wrapping, I realized I hated and one year from a catalog I bought decorated gift boxes, and hoard every decorated box and bag which comes in. Having boxes available in different sizes used to be a huge issue and now I literally can't even give the things away. (Well, I have tried and two people said they may take some.)

Other big issue, okay I throw a gift card at my living relatives or if feeling really generous give used books. But I go all out for my dead friends. Easily half the hand-crafted decorations were intended for the cemetery. I ALWAYS have them up for the holidays REGARDLESS of weather, this will be the first I have not in many years. One guy who knows me strictly because we both frequent the cemetery has come over twice (but not just to be nice to me; his wife is in the next room) and said I was darn lucky this didn't happen in the summer as I would have gone nuts wanting to be there every day. (Truth.) I made a custom Celtic cross for one dead friend and one of these nights in the hospital I dreamed I made my sister take me to the cemetery (this is the sister always accusing me of morbidity and excessive fascination with death and she didn't want to go) and when we got there I found the cross smashed to atoms and kept saying, "I can't believe it, I spent a zillion hours on this."

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

Now back home and the other day a classmate I first met in grade school was here while Mom was trying to get the reading light next to the bed to work and they discovered it was short by an extension cord. I was surprised one was not in a drawer where they are usually, then remembered that I took it to light my Halloween display. By the time I found it my friend had bought us a new one, which was good because I just figured out how to rig up the old one to light my miniature tree!

You will never guess what happened to me today! I cut my thumb opening a package and successfully went into the bathroom and got adhesive bandages and antiseptic and fixed it. I cannot go from the living rooms through the kitchen in Dad's wheelchair because of the threshhold, but the scooter WAS working great! Well, earlier today when Mom and I were moving things in the two back rooms I was leaning on the handlebars (stopped) and they simply collapsed! I got them fixed, but later began to back into the kitchen and the whole front end separated from the back end! I was only a few feet from the table and managed to hop to a chair but can you imagine! I messaged the people at the place which rented it and got Mom to bring the wheelchair. My sister is lining up someone to take the defective scooter back tomorrow so I should be stuck only till sometime tomorrow using the wheelchair but it does limit my mobility.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

Another friend of my sister's came to collect the scooter and found no error in adjustment caused it to collapse--the metal frame literally cracked in half! Had that been some poor old cripple or even me going forwards fast rather than backing slowly, it could have resulted in serious injury or death! Heads will roll, and blood will flow.

They are seeing what can be done to pad my ankle before another cast is scheduled to be put on in three days. It feels exactly as if it's in a cast iron shackle! One of my favorite songs, "Take This Hammer" has a verse, "I don't want no cast iron shackles," and the next line was supposed to be, "hurt my pride," but I always wanted to sing, "hurt my leg." Perhaps I was having some sort of premonition!

 

[Spideyman]

Another friend of my sister's came to collect the scooter and found no error in adjustment caused it to collapse--the metal frame literally cracked in half! Had that been some poor old cripple or even me going forwards fast rather than backing slowly, it could have resulted in serious injury or death! Heads will roll, and blood will flow.

They are seeing what can be done to pad my ankle before another cast is scheduled to be put on in three days. It feels exactly as if it's in a cast iron shackle! One of my favorite songs, "Take This Hammer" has a verse, "I don't want no cast iron shackles," and the next line was supposed to be, "hurt my pride," but I always wanted to sing, "hurt my leg." Perhaps I was having some sort of premonition!

Sending a ton on healing vibes, and some extra calming vibes your way.

 

[mcpon14]

Now back home and the other day a classmate I first met in grade school was here while Mom was trying to get the reading light next to the bed to work and they discovered it was short by an extension cord. I was surprised one was not in a drawer where they are usually, then remembered that I took it to light my Halloween display. By the time I found it my friend had bought us a new one, which was good because I just figured out how to rig up the old one to light my miniature tree!

You will never guess what happened to me today! I cut my thumb opening a package and successfully went into the bathroom and got adhesive bandages and antiseptic and fixed it. I cannot go from the living rooms through the kitchen in Dad's wheelchair because of the threshhold, but the scooter WAS working great! Well, earlier today when Mom and I were moving things in the two back rooms I was leaning on the handlebars (stopped) and they simply collapsed! I got them fixed, but later began to back into the kitchen and the whole front end separated from the back end! I was only a few feet from the table and managed to hop to a chair but can you imagine! I messaged the people at the place which rented it and got Mom to bring the wheelchair. My sister is lining up someone to take the defective scooter back tomorrow so I should be stuck only till sometime tomorrow using the wheelchair but it does limit my mobility.

That sucks that your scooter is defective.

 

[Dana Jean]

Got medicines for my back, anti inflammatories and muscle relaxants so just maybe my back will be good enough to get the tree up. Or, I will be passed out drooling next to a yule log, a.k.a, puked up cat hairball.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

The place which rented the scooter has no email address to send written concerns, and the only person who would answer was the one who runs their Facebook page, who sent several increasingly rude responses and told me if I have anything to say to call during business hours. My sister and her friend shoved the broken scooter up their nose and obtained a new one. I think we still have to pay for it when we should have received a month free!

 

[mcpon14]

The place which rented the scooter has no email address to send written concerns, and the only person who would answer was the one who runs their Facebook page, who sent several increasingly rude responses and told me if I have anything to say to call during business hours. My sister and her friend shoved the broken scooter up their nose and obtained a new one. I think we still have to pay for it when we should have received a month free!

Well that sucks that you received a rude person at the complaint department.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

Well that sucks that you received a rude person at the complaint department.

She said she wasn't the complaint department and they do not have one set up, to just call during business hours. They might listen and they might not.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

Well, I hope when I start transferring digital pictures to the Cloud that the Cloud is smarter than stupid Facebook. I ALWAYS make sure my camera is set to the correct date and time and every friggin' time I choose the Facebook album setting to use dates already on the pictures and every dingdang time it dates the pictures as the day I started the album and. I. Have. To. Change. Every. Single. Date. On. Every. Darn. Picture. Every. Friggin'. Time. Which. Is. Darn. Annoying. When. The. So-Called. Genius. Sites. Are. Supposed. To. Know. Better. (This could be an example of things which work in Firefox and not Safari. For instance, Firefox lets me select multiple photos to add, while Safari only. Lets. Me. Add. One. At. A. Time. If. Any. At. All!)

 

[Sigmund]

CoriSCapnSkip

Beg pardon, ma'am.

I was just thinking, maybe instead of focusing on all the bad, wrong, disappointing, different, not-up-to-my-par things that happen in your life, focus on the things that are good, cool, goodie-roonie? The people who do show up to try and help, the people who ARE in your life...you could focus, and acknowledge -in a positive manner?

Just my two cents.

I wish you Peace.

 

[CoriSCapnSkip]

CoriSCapnSkip

Beg pardon, ma'am.

I was just thinking, maybe instead of focusing on all the bad, wrong, disappointing, different, not-up-to-my-par things that happen in your life, focus on the things that are good, cool, goodie-roonie? The people who do show up to try and help, the people who ARE in your life...you could focus, and acknowledge -in a positive manner?

Just my two cents.

I wish you Peace.

To some extent I do those things, too.

 

[skimom2]

Not angry, but sad. This year has been a toughie--BH got a better job: not as physically taxing, uses more of his skills and experience, more $/hr, but it came with a trade off: very little OT and no bonuses. At the same time, my income from writing has plummeted. Still selling books, but my new publisher has an agreement with Amazon, and somehow I'm not making much of anything anymore (Amazon rant averted. Thank me, because it's an ugly one. I HATE Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.). I lost an entire finished manuscript and parts of three others in the computer snafu at the end of last year, and I've not been able to make that up. After looking at our family books and feeling mighty sad about the lean Christmas my kids are having this year, I think I'm going to have to get a regular job for the first time in almost 20 years. It will be a big change, as I've been able to take care of my kids and be the available parent while doing what I love to do--it's truly a blessing.

I'm sadder than I've been in a very long time. There isn't anything I'd rather do than write and be a mom, as silly as that sounds. Newspaper income just isn't making up the difference. I'm going to be taking a break, because nothing positive is going to be coming out of me for a while.

I didn't want to worry my second family by pulling a disappearing trick, though.

Here's hoping for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas for my SKMB family, and a better new year. (((SKMB)))

 

[Spideyman]

Not angry, but sad. This year has been a toughie--BH got a better job: not as physically taxing, uses more of his skills and experience, more $/hr, but it came with a trade off: very little OT and no bonuses. At the same time, my income from writing has plummeted. Still selling books, but my new publisher has an agreement with Amazon, and somehow I'm not making much of anything anymore (Amazon rant averted. Thank me, because it's an ugly one. I HATE Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.). I lost an entire finished manuscript and parts of three others in the computer snafu at the end of last year, and I've not been able to make that up. After looking at our family books and feeling mighty sad about the lean Christmas my kids are having this year, I think I'm going to have to get a regular job for the first time in almost 20 years. It will be a big change, as I've been able to take care of my kids and be the available parent while doing what I love to do--it's truly a blessing.

I'm sadder than I've been in a very long time. There isn't anything I'd rather do than write and be a mom, as silly as that sounds. Newspaper income just isn't making up the difference. I'm going to be taking a break, because nothing positive is going to be coming out of me for a while.

I didn't want to worry my second family by pulling a disappearing trick, though.

Here's hoping for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas for my SKMB family, and a better new year. (((SKMB)))

skimom2 Keep only the positive thoughts. Manifest your true desire, writing. Is there another way you could still write and earn an income? Are you stuck with this publisher, can you do outside work not involving them? Think outside the box, if possible.
Is a local writing club in need of a teacher- would they offer payment? Could you give lectures?
Take what time you need. The candle is always lit here on the SKMB, and if any of us can help- shout it out.
Sending love and green lights and a dream come true 2016.

 

[FlakeNoir]

Not angry, but sad. This year has been a toughie--BH got a better job: not as physically taxing, uses more of his skills and experience, more $/hr, but it came with a trade off: very little OT and no bonuses. At the same time, my income from writing has plummeted. Still selling books, but my new publisher has an agreement with Amazon, and somehow I'm not making much of anything anymore (Amazon rant averted. Thank me, because it's an ugly one. I HATE Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.). I lost an entire finished manuscript and parts of three others in the computer snafu at the end of last year, and I've not been able to make that up. After looking at our family books and feeling mighty sad about the lean Christmas my kids are having this year, I think I'm going to have to get a regular job for the first time in almost 20 years. It will be a big change, as I've been able to take care of my kids and be the available parent while doing what I love to do--it's truly a blessing.

I'm sadder than I've been in a very long time. There isn't anything I'd rather do than write and be a mom, as silly as that sounds. Newspaper income just isn't making up the difference. I'm going to be taking a break, because nothing positive is going to be coming out of me for a while.

I didn't want to worry my second family by pulling a disappearing trick, though.

Here's hoping for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas for my SKMB family, and a better new year. (((SKMB)))

Oh girl, you made me cry... (((you))) I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry and hope you will be able to find something that still allows you to be there for your youngest. My best wishes are with you. xox

 

[morgan]

Not angry, but sad. This year has been a toughie--BH got a better job: not as physically taxing, uses more of his skills and experience, more $/hr, but it came with a trade off: very little OT and no bonuses. At the same time, my income from writing has plummeted. Still selling books, but my new publisher has an agreement with Amazon, and somehow I'm not making much of anything anymore (Amazon rant averted. Thank me, because it's an ugly one. I HATE Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.). I lost an entire finished manuscript and parts of three others in the computer snafu at the end of last year, and I've not been able to make that up. After looking at our family books and feeling mighty sad about the lean Christmas my kids are having this year, I think I'm going to have to get a regular job for the first time in almost 20 years. It will be a big change, as I've been able to take care of my kids and be the available parent while doing what I love to do--it's truly a blessing.

I'm sadder than I've been in a very long time. There isn't anything I'd rather do than write and be a mom, as silly as that sounds. Newspaper income just isn't making up the difference. I'm going to be taking a break, because nothing positive is going to be coming out of me for a while.

I didn't want to worry my second family by pulling a disappearing trick, though.

Here's hoping for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas for my SKMB family, and a better new year. (((SKMB)))

I just want you to know how much I appreciate you! I've struggled financially my entire life and know how hard it is - especially doing things you don't enjoy when your heart and passion are elsewhere. Don't give up. I brag to people that I correspond with a published author. You bring so much intelligence and wisdom to this board and you are cared about more than you'll ever know. I will be praying that something changes, that a Christmas miracle will find its way to Skimom's home. You are loved.

 

[Sigmund]

Not angry, but sad. This year has been a toughie--BH got a better job: not as physically taxing, uses more of his skills and experience, more $/hr, but it came with a trade off: very little OT and no bonuses. At the same time, my income from writing has plummeted. Still selling books, but my new publisher has an agreement with Amazon, and somehow I'm not making much of anything anymore (Amazon rant averted. Thank me, because it's an ugly one. I HATE Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.). I lost an entire finished manuscript and parts of three others in the computer snafu at the end of last year, and I've not been able to make that up. After looking at our family books and feeling mighty sad about the lean Christmas my kids are having this year, I think I'm going to have to get a regular job for the first time in almost 20 years. It will be a big change, as I've been able to take care of my kids and be the available parent while doing what I love to do--it's truly a blessing.

I'm sadder than I've been in a very long time. There isn't anything I'd rather do than write and be a mom, as silly as that sounds. Newspaper income just isn't making up the difference. I'm going to be taking a break, because nothing positive is going to be coming out of me for a while.

I didn't want to worry my second family by pulling a disappearing trick, though.

Here's hoping for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas for my SKMB family, and a better new year. (((SKMB)))

Crud.

For now, take a breath. Take super, kind and gentle care of yourself. You're hurt and kinda fragile. (Or fra-geee-lee.) Rest and mend.

In a little bit, get yourself up, shake it off, square your shoulders and warn everyone to get outta the way because you have things to do and you will succeed in what ever you decide to do. (You know you can and will.)

>>hugs<<

 

[Blake]

I was angry earlier because I couldn't achieve my optimal thought state and I had a 'no-energy/depressive' thought mentality but I got a recharge when someone was rude to me when I was waiting in line at the supermarket( well I perceived them to be rude) but now I'm in the 'assertive/high-energy' mode and my outlook on life is much better.

 

[Dana Jean]

Not angry, but sad. This year has been a toughie--BH got a better job: not as physically taxing, uses more of his skills and experience, more $/hr, but it came with a trade off: very little OT and no bonuses. At the same time, my income from writing has plummeted. Still selling books, but my new publisher has an agreement with Amazon, and somehow I'm not making much of anything anymore (Amazon rant averted. Thank me, because it's an ugly one. I HATE Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.). I lost an entire finished manuscript and parts of three others in the computer snafu at the end of last year, and I've not been able to make that up. After looking at our family books and feeling mighty sad about the lean Christmas my kids are having this year, I think I'm going to have to get a regular job for the first time in almost 20 years. It will be a big change, as I've been able to take care of my kids and be the available parent while doing what I love to do--it's truly a blessing.

I'm sadder than I've been in a very long time. There isn't anything I'd rather do than write and be a mom, as silly as that sounds. Newspaper income just isn't making up the difference. I'm going to be taking a break, because nothing positive is going to be coming out of me for a while.

I didn't want to worry my second family by pulling a disappearing trick, though.

Here's hoping for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas for my SKMB family, and a better new year. (((SKMB)))

There is something else waiting for you, that's why these things happen. I will send you good energy to find everything wonderful you deserve!

 

[AnnaMarie]

I'm not angry about this....but not to happy.

We were setting up our tree. It is huge. Way to big for our living room. I think it's only about five years old....and branches are completely disconnecting from it. We paid about $200 for this thing, and that was about 40% off. This thing should have birthed a replacement before dieing.

It had fit in our living room when we bought it....but then we replaced the furniture, and now, it's all squished in here with the tree up.