I was watching my fiancee sleep last night, I couldn't get to sleep for some reason. I was thinking I'd like to go back to around 11th grade when I used to watch her walk into the school auditorium in the mornings after she got off the bus. She always looked so good. I used to have such a bad crush on her during those years, always looking for her when she walked in, always trying to find some excuse to talk to her, trying to work up the nerve to ask her out but I never could. We've both talked about how things might have been different. She says she would have went out with me had I asked but I think she's just being polite. Good looking basketball players didn't date geeky computer nerds like myself in high school, just not how it worked back then. I want to believe her but I have hard time doing so. I think, knowing now what I do, I'd walk up to her and risk the butterfly effect ramifications. I wouldn't trade my son for anything and I know she feels the same way toward her son but I can't help running the scenario over and over in my mind. We went in complete opposite directions in college. She was in a sorority and in Air Force ROTC, I spun out of control into self-destructive behavior and addiction, but I can't help wondering if that would have happened had I been with her as we came out of high school. Would the relationship have endured? Would the two boys we have from our previous spouses have been our boys instead? How much different would the last 26 years of my life been? Would the relationship have bloomed into something more serious than just a high school thing? There's an easy calm between us now that we're together, just like there was when we were friends in school. I always hid the fact I had a bad crush on her but girls usually know, don't they? That's not on her if she did, it's on me, but she's told me she always just thought I wanted to be friends and figured if I hadn't asked her out by my senior year after knowing her for five years, I wasn't interested. How can so much have been lost in translation back then? lol.
I was talking to her dad a couple of weeks ago when we were out at his place for Tamara's birthday. Tamara had told me in a conversation we had one day that her mom way back when had told her she should go out with "That Shannon boy who you're always talking to at school. He's very nice and seems to like you a lot." She had mentioned to her mom that no one has asked her to the Homecoming dance her junior year, my senior year. Tamara said she told her mom that I was just a friend and that I wasn't interested in her in that way. She said her mom told her she might be wrong about that. I was telling her dad this story and he confirmed the whole thing. He said the conversation took place over dinner one night and he was listening to the both of them talk about the subject back and forth and heard my name come up. He didn't know me at the time and didn't say anything but he said, knowing what Tamara has gone thru in her prior relationships, that his wife, Tamara's mom, now deceased, may have knew something that Tamara didn't. That blew me away. I met Tamara's mom just a few times at school functions. She was very nice and was our part time school nurse while Tamara and I were in school so she must have seen us together a few times.
So yeah, I'd head back to 1990 I think now and put my chips on the table with Tamara. I think it would be worth it, I really do.
I was talking to her dad a couple of weeks ago when we were out at his place for Tamara's birthday. Tamara had told me in a conversation we had one day that her mom way back when had told her she should go out with "That Shannon boy who you're always talking to at school. He's very nice and seems to like you a lot." She had mentioned to her mom that no one has asked her to the Homecoming dance her junior year, my senior year. Tamara said she told her mom that I was just a friend and that I wasn't interested in her in that way. She said her mom told her she might be wrong about that. I was telling her dad this story and he confirmed the whole thing. He said the conversation took place over dinner one night and he was listening to the both of them talk about the subject back and forth and heard my name come up. He didn't know me at the time and didn't say anything but he said, knowing what Tamara has gone thru in her prior relationships, that his wife, Tamara's mom, now deceased, may have knew something that Tamara didn't. That blew me away. I met Tamara's mom just a few times at school functions. She was very nice and was our part time school nurse while Tamara and I were in school so she must have seen us together a few times.
So yeah, I'd head back to 1990 I think now and put my chips on the table with Tamara. I think it would be worth it, I really do.
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